For centuries, quacks, charlatans, and individuals of ill repute have enjoyed passing the time by coming up with predictions foretelling the apocalypse. It goes back a long time, but things like the fall of Rome, the plague, World Wars, and the Y2K  non-event we all celebrated a few years ago have been packaged into unbelievable yet heeded warnings of how the world is coming to an end.

Recently, you may have heard about the year 2012 and some of the retarded predictions about it being the end of the world. This is due in part to the even more retarded movie coming out entitled 2012 which departs from anything Hollywood has ever done and gives us a movie about the end of the world. Although I frequently review movies I deem to be bad, yet haven't seen, the main point about the connection between any prediction and Sony Pictures doing a movie about it starring John Cusack should be that there is absolutely no need to worry about that prediction coming true.

Much of the belief in the world ending in 2012 is due to misinterpretation of the Mayan calendar which ends a cycle on December 21st, 2012. For some reason, confused people in a variety of faiths have decided that maybe God forgot something when he wrote their respective texts which the Mayan calendar sheds some insight on. Sort of like insider trading, religion-style. What these goobers are neglecting is the fact that after it ends, the cycle simply restarts because the Mayans knew that the world was a little bigger than their calendar which is something the people at Hallmark are still figuring out.

In a 2007 article discussing doomsday predictions for 2012 in USA Today, Sandra Noble, an expert on Mesoamerican cultures, indicated that for Mayan civilization the end of a cycle would have likely meant a large celebration, probably along the lines of what Prince was envisioning when he wrote the song "1999" although probably a lot less androgynous. The only reason the Mayans would have wanted the world to end in 2012 was if they knew the concept would be appropriated for a John Cusack movie. The fact that it has Danny Glover would have been forgivable to them, though not ideal.

So all of the 2012 apocalyptic talk and the accompanying dump director Roland Emmerlich and  composer-producer Harald Kloser took together and named 2012 the movie is yet another bastardization of a Native American concept to be sold en masse.  It's similar to what was done with corn, only less delicious and one day you might find the movie 2012 sold at KFC for $1.99 as well, so the parallels are many. The director also did Independence Day and Day After Tomorrow, so I don't think the man has ever met an apocalypse he didn't like. Further, although December 21st, 2012 will not pertain to the end of the world, 2012 could be a real number for the following:

• $2,012.00 might be the total that the movie 2012 grosses worldwide, including DVD sales.
• 2,012 people might be willing to see their world end and actually die rather than sit through the movie.
• 2,012 years ago, a 12 year old Jesus might have just stuck with carpentry if he knew that one day the movie 2012 would get greenlit.

There was a better chance of the world ending the day R.E.M's "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" hit the airwaves back in November 1987 than there is that the world will end in 2012. I don't understand why everyone is talking about it now anyway, I mean it's still 3 years away. That's enough time for a sequel and a prequel to the apocalypse. I encourage everyone to start taking bets about the end of the world coming on December 21st, 2012 now though. If you win, someone may actually end up paying you, and if you lose, you and your creditors will be swallowed by a giant fissure in the earth and it won't matter unless they have credit reporting agencies down there, and given the proximity to hell, there very well may be some. Please email me if you are interested in such a wager and also include how many degrees of separation there are between you and Jerry Falwell, anyone who has ever appeared on "The Hills", or the contestants on "My Antonio" because I am making a chart.