I've been thinking...

1. Dogs, or anything that will take the time to walk over to you just to sneeze on you.

2. People's names. More specifically: People with too many names, or names with hyphens and shit, or with numbers in it, etc. E.g. William John David Craig III Jr. Get the fuck out of my face with that shit.

3. Deliberately spelling things wrong, not for humour or emphasis, but just to be unique. (Especially with names) Your name isn't, and never will be, Rebekuh, or Candasss. What is wrong with your brain?

4. Profile pictures of arbitrary shit that isn't funny, or relevant, and definitely doesn't identify you. (You know--the sole purpose of a display picture.) I don't want to see a picture of a beach, or your Christmas Tree, or your kid taking a dump.

5. Models. Even more, pretend models that put these ridiculous pictures on Facebook with some no-name photographers watermark below them. I'd rather see that other picture of the kid taking a dump. Do you want people to think you are hot? Set yourself on fire, and take a picture of that.

6. Excuses. Take ownership of yourself and your life. I've yet to hear a good excuse, because the best one is, "I'm Dead", and if that was the case, you wouldn't be able to deliver it. Also, I hate it when people blame things like 'the man', or 'the system', or 'them'. If you call your phone company, the last thing you want to hear is, "We can't do anything about your bill--it's handled by the system." Well put this 'system' on the phone then, I'll straighten it out.

7. Using air quotes, especially at the wrong time.

8. Using def as an abbreviation for definitely. I really hate this one. First of all def is already a word, and it is a superlative for good. (That concert was def.) Using def for definitely is the same virus as using random inappropriately, it starts out on some retarded reality TV program, and now every asshole is saying it. The combination of 'most def' is most definitely the most annoying. Not to mention you constantly sound like you are referencing the rapper Mos Def, whose name by the way, is not an abbreviation for Most Definitely. FUCK!

9. Vegetarians. It's just plain stupid to be a vegetarian. You are trying to defy your biology. Do you think you have front-facing eyes, and pointy canines for eating leaves? Get a fucking grip. We raise cattle, that would otherwise not be alive, for the purpose of meat. We create it, and are therefore not ruining animal kingdoms. No one told you, to be a meat-eater you had to run into the woods and drink the blood of a baby rabbit, but by all means, eat some fucking cow. They are stupid animals anyway. Any animal that will let you yank on its tits for an hour deserves to die.

10. People who move their shoulders when they laugh. Get a hold of yourself, quit flailing your body parts about. You are probably the same people that swivel their hips when they pee. How are you still alive?

More to follow...

-Gerald A. Dinkel (He just says things.)

http://sardonicconnection.blogspot.com/2009/02/47-things-that-annoy-me-part-1.html