I've been thinking...

I have started compiling a list of things that regardless of what excuses may think apply are ALWAYS your fault. I'm sure many of you could overload Facebook's server with examples that prove the contrary, but trust me, they are wrong. It is ALWAYS your fault.< p>

Advisory: The below listed examples are meant for humour and are not to be taking as direct insults, but if you happen to take them that way, then it is to you that I meant them to be. Also go fuck yourself.

1. If you rear-end someone. The rules of the road if followed should prevent you from ever rear-ending anyone. Hell, I drive like a maniac and I still avoid crashing into people. Now if the person in front of you, skids out of control on an icy road and end up driving at you, that is no longer considered rear-ending and you are excused.

2. Your weight. If you are obese, or just happen to weigh a few pounds more than you'd like, it's your fault. Anyone who is fat and happy is excused. However, those who blame it on the size of their bones, a gland that's producing too much BULLSHIT, or it being in your genes or some shit, you are deluded. I do realise there is some conclusive medical evidence that links certain glandular problems, and medication to weight-gain, but that is not the reason you've gained weight. To prove my theory, I have an experiment. Try eating only your medication for two weeks, and tell me how your weight has been affected. Maybe you gain weight faster than other people, but you still have to put enough food in your mouth to gain that weight. There is always the equation of food needed versus food eaten. You are not doing the math right. Have you ever heard of an Ethiopian who's just so fat because he's got a glandular problem or big bones? Get the fuck out my face with that shit.

3. Addiction. I don't want to hear about how you got hooked, or about gateway drugs, or even about how many times life has kicked you in the balls. You have to make the choice to put the fire to those crack rocks; no one else makes it for you. There are rare cases where people are injected with drugs against their will and they get addicted. Those people are excused, and I'm truly saddened by those events.

4. Beating your wife/girlfriend, hell raising your fist to anyone in general. All this nonsense about I beat my wife because my father beat my mom pisses me off. All I can say to you is, 'monkey see, monkey do.' Congrats on being as intelligent as a monkey. That's actually an insult to monkeys.

5. Vomiting.

6. Getting pregnant.

7. If your computer stops working.

8. Going on a killing spree. I don't care what video game you played, how much power rangers you watched, or how many copies of The Catcher in the Rye were found on your body. It is always YOUR fault, and Grand Theft Auto rocks.

And;

9. Getting a 'needs improvement' in the teamwork section of your report card. You know what I'm talking about. I'm sure at one point or another you've all said to your owners, "It wasn't my fault, all the other kids are stupid, they don't like me, they smell, my teacher hates me, etc. Let's face facts, you probably deserved it. I know I sure as hell did, but you best believe I blamed it on someone else. That being said, my teacher did hate me--that bastard.

-Gerald A. Dinkel (He just says things.)

http://sardonicconnection.blogspot.com/2009/03/52-things-that-are-always-your-fault.html