I've been thinking...

So, as you all know, I enjoy making comical observations about things that annoy me, as well as criticize all the ways you screw up. I figured it would be fair, in good spirit, and funny to provide you with a list of things I have said either in conversation, message, or in my writing that was curious or questionable. There is a quote floating around about me, and has been for a while now, that goes: "Gerald? Gerald just says things." Below are some examples of that. I hope you enjoy them, because I don't plan on doing this often.

1. Gerald setting the record straight:

I don't care about your opinion thing, I just can never get on board with the whole this person is like that person thing. Because I like to think, if that was you, you would want to be you, not someone else So, if you like Bellamy, and you like his vocal style, then that's ok, but let him be only himself, I guess. Unless he's in a cover band, then I suppose he would want to be known for be most like someone else that’s the exception I guess. Actually, you know what, fuck you.
(In this case, and probably in a lot of them to follow, I have no idea what I was talking about. I do know that reading it again made me laugh out loud. Seriously, it doesn't even make sense. The first part is a complete Nietzsche mindfuck, and the phrase, "I don't care about your opinion thing" is hilarious but ridiculous.)

2. Gerald not really listening:

I don't know what you want me to "tell you"?
(Why was 'tell you' in quotes?)

3. Gerald on philosophy:

When you look at me, do you? Me neither.
(Your guess is as good as mine.)

4. Gerald caught up in a web of circular logic:

Yeah, the way I wrote it. It's very ciruclar is true that this is false therefore its false therefore its not true that its false therefore its true therfore its true that its false, Wait, who is this?
(Ha-ha!)

5. Gerald trying to brag:

I'm one of the few people you'll ever know, who gets drunk on occasion by drinking a mickey of jaeger. and I mean drinking it, like juice. It makes people want to vomitize their resting facilitations hahaha If the file size of this picture was any larger I'd have to buy a hardrive. Boom goes the dynamite.

6. Gerald telling a story:

So, you wanna know somethiin gI did.other than abuse the language just now
Would you like to know something I accomplished today? I created a complex list of criteria, a scoring system, and some formulas, thus calculating my favorite games of all time. Which also reflect to a certain degree the zeitgeist of game rankings. Made it into a spreadsheet. Then made some edits to the final list, producing a top 40. Which I would call, the 40 best games of all time, that Gerald favored, in his particular order. So, they are all widely praised, but their order is determined on criteria that is purely subjective. I also when rating, gave a two-to-one preference to my score over game rankings.
You know what I mean? so if I liked Banana a 10 out of 10, and you liked it an 8. It would get a score of 28. Banana IS good Vs orange that I liked 8, and you liked 10, it would get 26 You there?
(That made a little bit of a sense, but very little.)

7. Yeah, it made sense. I jazzed up the words a bit his version only I would understand
It would be like, "Gerald, you got to what does it, and not what makes you run." "Cant go around sucking cocks for money, when you got ps3 to be played, right?"

8. My response when someone asked me if AIDS was hereditary:

They are at risk of contracting it at birth. It's basically like fucking their mom chances because hereditary things have to have gene qualities like, if your grandmother had it, you should have a 1/4 or whatever. Everyone in this conversation (except Gerald) is gay

9. Will call this one, Gerald on relationship advice:

It just relates back to that whole ranking thing I was saying that people do. Apparently you are lower on th elist. The trick is to make peace with it. This is what causes people to act out, and start to consider strange things good ideas, to try and trump the attention another has been awarded. This is where you do a bullshit job of slitting your wrists, or take up heroin, or alcoholism. Date a nazi, or something But you don't need to worry about any of that. No, the main ticket here is, she's pissed off at you, becuase you don't have to have people worried abotu you. Remember, when she points her finger at you, 3 of them are pointing back at her.

10. Gerald on conspiracy:

you just proved to me, they didn't fucking know what they were talking about, then it became the systems fault ,just blame the system no one even knows what the fuck the sustem is
it's like 'they', or them, or the man they are the ones writing it off, oh by the way my you tube account was getting dick sucked today, im down to one video, you there japstick?

11. The trick isn't waiting for the sweet, it's learning to appreciate the sour.

12. Gerald on Gerald:

I'm the kind of yogurt that you find in the fridge behind the something, that you forgot was still in there, then you check the expiry and find out I'm still good for another day. So you open me up, and smell me to make sure, then you eat me, and savour the moment becuase I was a surprise--a delicious surprise. You gotta move shit around once in a while, see if there's some yogurt back there because who knows\maybe it will be expired when you find it.
(Did I just call myself expired yogurt?)

13. When asked what he was doing on Saturday while half-asleep:

Saturday's didn't always exist.

14. Gerald on the economy:

It's funny to think that if I had a job, the most prominent expense I would have would be financing the job. Gas, food, possibly work attire. In a sense I actually am richer for poorer. Wait, that doesn't make any sense, scratch that.

15. Gerald on culture:

Fuck off, you aren't a non-comformist. If you really wanted to be a non-comformist, and not care what the man thinks, you would wear your pocket protector to the library and study 17 hours a day Like that chinese exchange student.

Lastly, 16. Gerald just being a prick AND not making any sense:

You know anything else other than 'sweet'? Something that shows that your university money isn't going down the drain. I sent it to get a decent response. Rather than waste time talking about Tiger Woods' music career. Instead I got a meaningless response. Your life is a meaningless response. Ciao

Let me know if you found these funny. I wanted to give you guys some stuff to make fun of me about, and level the playing field since I'm always picking on you. I found most of them pretty hilarious though. If you like them I'll do more, if not, it's back to making fun of you. Oh, and I know the English is terrible in most of them, that's part of the reason why I put them up.

-Gerald A. Dinkel (He just says things.)

http://sardonicconnection.blogspot.com/2009/03/53-gerald-he-just-says-things.html