As has long been established, we know that every woman on the face of this earth has the goal of making men into sniveling piles of goo. That being said, I have decided to turn on my brethen to give you the movies that will turn your man into that worthless pile of clay that you so greatly desire. So hide the video cams and play the following:

5. Old Yeller. There is no man alive that can not keep from sobbing like an idiot when Travis has to kill Yeller when he develops rabies.

4. Casablanca. Ah, I just threw this one in there to see if you are paying attention. There is a certain tug at the 'ole heart strings when Rick lets her go but not enough that your man is going to give a crap.

3. Shane. When Joey stands there saying yelling "Shane...Shane...Come Back!" and then softly "Bye, Shane." and Shane never even turns around, your man will be begging you for something to wipe his sopping wet face.

2. Pride of the Yankees. Lord have mercy! When Gary Cooper delivers the infamous "today I feel like the luckiest man alive" Lou Gehrig speech, your man will be curled up in the corner begging for you not to look at him. I mean the guy had a diseased named after him and is considered one of the best baseball players of all time.

1. Brian's Song. Oh, yyyyyeeeeaaahhhhh! Every guy in xombaland is screaming "nnnnnnoooooo!" as they read this. You get to watch Brain Piccolo die right before your eyes after achieving his life long goal and developing a semi-long lasting friendship with future NFL Hall of Famer Gayle Sayers. Every man will be absolutely inconsolable after this movie. You can even invite his friends over and watch them all cry together in the most uncomfortable thing you have ever seen in your life.

Well, there you go. Be sure to get every moment on tape and use it in a way that only a woman can i.e. 50th birthday party with all his boys as he tries to act like a badass.

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