My day began very similar to most others. I was enjoying a dedicated session of extreme sleeping on my human’s bed, when the clock radio went off. To make matters worse, fate would dictate that the song playing on the radio at that moment just happened to be “Who Let The Dogs Out” again. I then made a mental note to step on the tuner buttons the next time I took a short cut across the clock radio to the pillows.

My human then slowly proceeded to the bathroom for the raining water ritual that seems to have a higher priority than my breakfast. I bided my time in the usual way. I sharpened my paw-to-eye coordination using the shoes in the closet. If the truth were told, I sharpened my teeth a little, too.

Finally it was time for breakfast. I’d just finished licking my stainless steel dish in preparation for the morning meal. Imagine my shock to find my human over my right shoulder, pouring kibble into the bowl from a height of four feet. It simulated the sound of a twenty dollar payout on a nickel slot machine! Seriously, doesn’t everyone know that you serve from the left and clear from the right?

I somehow managed to keep my appetite in spite of the pedestrian presentation. After breakfast, I made my way to the window to check on the tree. Sure enough, there they were. I must have noticed a dozen sparrows trespassing on our tree, each one more annoying than the previous one. They were erratically chirping while making unpredictable movements back and forth. It was maddening. After half an hour, I decided I couldn’t watch it anymore. I’m too refined for that, and the whole incident will be just a nasty memory after someone cleans the slobber off of the window. When you’re a house cat, basically the window is your sneeze guard to the outside world.

I was still pretty wound up, so I decided to hunt for a while. I quickly went into stealth mode, crawling along the bedroom floor when I saw my prey. Yes, today the fuzzy slippers were going down. While stalking them, the real trick is to shake your tail in a quick back and forth motion. This hypnotizes the quarry into a state of helplessness. It’s worked for me dozens of times. Trust me.

It was then time to plan my mid morning nap. I declined going casual in the laundry hamper, and I wanted to save the easy chair for the evening slumber during my human’s TV shows. I found a luxurious ray of sun on the carpet and the decision was made. No matter what you’re dreaming about, you can’t fall off of a carpet.

I awoke some time later, stretched and visited the litter box. Some people put clay in their cat’s litter box while others use a product made from wood shavings. I’d have to say that for sheer pitching distance, I prefer the clay. I finished in the litter box, and noticed the statement on the kitty litter package that said “won’t track around the house.” That never fails to crack me up as I saunter back towards the living room, clumps of clay packed between my toes.

I then flopped down beside the sofa, looked underneath and took inventory. Everything was still there. This included the lipstick, countless dust bunnies, the earring, the ink marker and the piece of sirloin from last night’s fondue which had quickly become the beef jerky that I prefer. I decided to deny myself instant gratification if favor of saving it for a special occasion. I admire my willpower sometimes.

If my human is late returning today, I may have to make a statement again. I could always jump up on the shelf and knock off plants. It’s not a big deal, but it gets the point across. And frankly, if my human felt strongly against knock-offs, you’d think there would be better shoes in the closet.
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For an article from the above source entitled "A Letter From Your Cat" please click on: http://www.xomba.com/a_letter_from_your_cat

To see a discussion from the above source about who your dog thinks he is, please go to: http://www.xomba.com/who_does_your_dog_think_he_is