Like you, I have many demands on my time. It’s all the same everyday stuff that you go through, too - washing my gorilla’s hair, finding willing victims for the Nasty Thing in the cellar, splitting an atom or two, and of course making all those time consuming banking arrangements for that seemingly endless supply of people in other countries who need so much help getting their funds out of those countries. Oh, and rigging elections, of course – doesn’t take so long, but you really have to keep at it EVERY DAY, you know.

?So with all this going on, I’m afraid that I sometimes just don’t have time to respond to all of the comments left on my Xomblurbs, Xombytes and Xombcoms. That’s why I’m taking care of that right here by posting a few very late, very tardy, very overdue responses. (I won’t bother posting the comments I’m responding to, as time is as always of the essence – I have to attend my son’s second summer camp pageant, my daughter’s ballet recital and the lethal injection of one of my most annoying relatives.)

1. Thanks so much for the very kind advice, but if I stick my comments there, you will need a flashlight to read them. And frankly, I think I would find walking a bit challenging.

2. No, all the way through fifth grade actually. And in only 12 years!

3. Oh, just the usual kind of pervert. Why do you ask? (And what are you wearing? If you’re into rubber, we should talk.)

4. Usually I wrap mine in gauze, just like you do an egg.

5. No, my mother did have children who lived actually. Ummm….you didn’t happen to know her did you? Say, about 32 years ago?

6. That’s easy: A horse, a Republican and a magnum of domestic champagne.

7. Are you coming on to me?

8. Would you like to come on to me?

9. Would it KILL you to come on to me?

10. You’re not my type anyway.

11. If I said I didn’t mean that last one, would you come on to me?

12. Dear BLAMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!,
So glad to see you’re willing to step up and defend your wife’s honor. Of course, I was just joking. Didn’t mean it at all. BTW, that address I included in my private email to your wife was a phony. And the picture wasn’t of me. And I’ve never met the (rather fetching) goat in the picture. Gotta go – I’m due at a mission in Farthest Razgebbistan and won’t be back for 8 years.

13. I’m thinking celibacy isn’t such a bad option.

14. Yes, my Mom did marry her cousin. How the heck did you guess that??!!!

15. Forty-two arrests – but only two convictions!

16. Funny – that’s almost word-for-word the exact same thing my guidance counselor said the day before they found his body in the Louisiana bayou (and three days before they found his head in the Mississippi delta).

Gotta go now. Feel free to comment on this post – but remember, I may not get right back to you. (Unless you mention that you’re into rubber.)