A true friend is/is not…

Throughout my life I have had many people of whom I have labeled my “friend”. As a young kid, a friend was anyone who would talk to me. But as soon as they started to ignore me, I realized there were more qualities needed to define someone as my friend. Though I can now say I have a plethora of friends, what truly comforts me is the presence of a true friend. It is my firm belief that each of us yearns for at least one true friend. This begs the question: “What is a true friend?” I will attempt to answer this question by discussing what a true friend is, as well as what a true friend is not. Before going further though, I ask that you seriously consider this following blanket statement as you read these rules of true friendship:

If you are not a true friend, you do not deserve to have a true friend. You have to be a true friend if you expect to have a true friend.

First, let’s explore what a true friend is NOT:

• A true friend does not talk behind your back about how horrible you are, and save face when you are around.
• A true friend does not lie to you. Ever.
• A true friend does not shut you out when you are trying to truly help.
• A true friend is not someone who bullies, forces, or manipulates you into doing something that may be harmful to you. This is never acceptable under any circumstances.
• A true friend never attempts to hurt you physically or emotionally. This is abusive and controlling, and definitely not a true friend. Your friend should never disrespect you in any way.
• A true friend will never exploit you as they see fit.
• A true friend is not someone that says they are your friend, all the while treating you like shit.
• A true friend does not walk on eggs shells or be careful with you because they are scared of your reaction.
• A true friend does not hold grudges against you.
• A true friend does not continually flake on you.
• A true friend will not avoid, reject, or treat you differently when you are in public.
• A true friend will not abandon you during hard times, including when those hard times involve the both of you.

Second, let’s explore what a true friend IS:

• A true friend will truly forgive you.
• A true friend stands at your side even when you are making a fool out of yourself.
• A true friend follows through with their commitments.
• A true friend apologizes when they have done you wrong.
• A true friend respects you at ALL times.
• A true friend is completely honest with you.
• A true friend will lovingly correct you when you have gone against your principles.
• A true friend will visit with you, even if they presently don’t want to.
• A true friend puts themselves in your shoes. They desire to know and understand your thrills and chills.
• A true friend will give to you as much as you give to them. At times, a true friend will give more than what you give.
• A true friend loves you as you, accepting your hang-ups and differences.
• A true friend is willing to defend and fight for you.
• A true friend allows their soul to be naked before you without shame.
• A true friend knows when you’re happy/sad, even when you don’t.
• A true friend is happy when you’re happy and is sad when you’re sad.
• A true friend thinks of you, even when you don’t think of yourself.
• A true friend loves you, even when you are being a butt-head and not particularly likable at the moment.

I realize that these two lists are by no means in their entirety. My hope in developing it is to help people to deeply consider if they are a true friend, as well as who their true friend(s) are. It may seem that my list of qualifications is too lofty and demands utter perfection. On the contrary, if you read closely to what I just wrote you will discover that a true friend is not a perfect friend, but striving to be a true friend. After all, that’s what makes friendship fun; enduring the bumps and trials in your journey together! There is a cost in obtaining a true friend; you must be one yourself.