We love the holidays; the food, the change in weather, time off from work allowing us to catch up with our friends, and the food! (always worth a second mention). Usually, these festivities involve going to the house of one of our relatives or having all the relatives come to our own home. Gathering all the family under one roof at one time can cause more stress than a stack of reports with a two hour deadline!

So, here are some tips on how to cope with the stress of family holidays:

1. Take an anti-depressant! I kid you not. Go to your doctor at least one week before the holiday and tell your doc you are having severe depression! Have him prescribe some Zoloft or Paxil. The one week minimum should give ample time for the drug to settle into your system and numb you from the brain down! On these particular drugs, you will find yourself all mellow-yellow, smiling like a moron and not caring about a thing. The world will seem rosy and you may end up remembering this holiday season as one of the best you ever had!

2. Make reservations at one of the local fancy hotels! This will not only relieve you from the enormous task of making turkey with all the fixins' but it will put a fabulous limit on the amount of time you have to spend in the company of your "loved" (sometimes hated) ones! Just think, reservations at 2:00 p.m., finished by 4:00 p.m., leftovers in hand, kiss-kiss, love-love, outside the hotel as you wait for the valet to bring your gas-chugging SUV, hop in and go man go! Everyone is happy, everyone is feeling all warm and fuzzy and even sleepy from the triptofan in the turkey. Everyone goes home and takes a great nap in front of the T.V. while listening to the football game.

3. If you can't convince the familial masses to eat out, then at least pre-order the dinner from Honeybaked Ham Co. or somewhere such. Ask all the relatives invited to bring a dish and make sure you stocked up on the wine and beer! That way, the food is good and at least mostly home-made but without the stress of dethawing a 20 lb bird! The wine and beer should carry you through the rest of the afternoon as Dad and Uncle Matt argue over whether or not the Cowboys will go all the way this season and Aunt Pauline and cousin Lisa drop sarcastic comments about the way you choose to decorate your hillbilly palace with plaid upholstery, dead deer heads on the walls, and the 1970's shag carpet that Dad says is "still lookin' pretty good and should last another couple o years"! Don't forget the beer nuts!

If you happen to be single, you might find yourself lucky enough to be visiting more than one person this holiday season. Singletons get to visit the family and usually a bevy of friends. Making the rounds can be the least stressful of all the holiday possibilities. It's fun, you can easily limit your time with each and stay longest where you feel the most comfortable. The best part is coming home to a cozy place where you can fling off your restricting clothing, and burp and fart in private while picking your teeth and watching Turner Movie Classics. The drawback? Well, the major overloadage of food you end up consuming and the matching gas or heartburn. Nothing some Tums or some time on the throne won't cure and you still get to bring home some great leftovers from every one of your stops that day!

If you are lucky enough to "love the ones your with", then I wish you a happy holiday season. However, if you happen to be one of the unlucky devils who dreads the holidays because your family is nuts and they all don't get along, then I hope these tips help you find peace and the ability to enjoy the festivities!

God bless! (this has been a "tongue-in-cheek" rambling in the land of Humor from Michele's point of view!)

Christmas Humor