Yes, it's that time of year again...the holidays. For most of the free world (and some of the not-free world), it is a time of cheer, a time when we take a time-out from our busy politically correct lives to enjoy some rest and recreation with family and friends. A time of giving and thoughtful actions, like greeting cards and carefully selected gifts. And then there's a group of people that are like me...

I'm not a scrooge...there was a time when I enjoyed the holidays. And not just when Santa still came to town...even after that there was a time when I could still enjoy Thanksgiving and Christmas and what it was all about. And then came RETAIL...and the holiday world would never be the same.

If you have never had the pleasure of working in retail, you may not understand a lot of what this is about. However, you should still probably follow my columns so you can learn how to become a better customer for those of us out there who are forced to deal with you.

For me, it's the illustrious grocery business, but retail captures a wide variety of jobs. The main characteristic they all share is...yes...dealing with customers...customers from the dreaded "general public."

Now customers in general are a curious breed of humans on any given day. But during the holiday season, they change. They become even less patient than they were before. They become even dumber than they were before. They lose even the simplest faculties...and suddenly even the most trivial question becomes a matter of life and death.

You'll see customers who you know darn well shop in your store every week of their life. Some of them more than once a week.
And yet they are asking you where the bread is, or where they can find a Pepsi 2-liter. "Can you tell me where to find bacon?" as they wander through the produce department. Now, these people are not idiots... they are intelligent hard-working people just like ourselves. They are suffering from a n epidemic that I call the "Holiday Effect." It is a disease. For whatever reason, the holidays bring on this effect where perfectly normal people become blithering idiots. They also become really rude. They have no concern for others at all unless it benefits them. Isn't it ironic that this effect sets in on people during what is supposedly the most jovial time of the year, when everyone is the most gracious and giving.

Customers can always be demanding, but during the months of November and December throughout America, a beast awakens. They want everything faster, bigger, and most of all, cheaper. And we retail people are enlisted with the task of trying to make the world a better place one plastic bag at a time.

So if you are in retail, I salute you as we head into our worst time of year. We'll get through it and we'll do it well like we always do. And if you are a customer, I want to say thanks for coming out and helping us all have jobs in the retail industry by spending your hard earned cash in our respective establishments. But take a second to look at yourself and make sure you remember that the people that serve you at your local supermarket or department store are people that want to enjoy the holidays too. They are working hard when most people are on "vacation" or punching out early. Many of them will get the distinct pleasure of working on the holiday itself that only retail and civic duty jobs can provide. And for God's sake, go to your family physician and get screened for the "Holiday Effect." It runs rampant this time of year and I want all of you to be safe and well for the holidays...

Over the next few weeks, we will continue to look at the curious nature (and sometimes quite humorous in the right light) of customers suffering from this malady. We will also delve deeper as we start to look at the offspring of this deadly disease, the "Holiday Upper Management Effect." And most of all, we'll all take a step back and realize it is not so bad...

Thanks and Happy Holidays!!

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