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An Early Valentine's Day Present

posted September 20, 2006 - 4:56pm
An Early Valentine's Day Present

I know it's not the time of year yet but I found an old Valentine's Day poem in my archives.

Love is a hemmorhoid
On the ass of life
That oozes and hurts and burns

Love is like vomit
A poisonous bile
Which the stomach dutifully churns

Love is a migraine
Which shoots through the head
Like an ice pick to the brain

Love is a case
Of bad diarrhea
Releasing its flame-like pain

Love is a tumor
That lives on the rump
And chafes with your every move

Love is a hangnail
Throbbing in pain
Just begging to be removed

Projectile vomiting comes to mind
When my thoughts turn to love

Love is a bastard
A bitch, an ass
Up which Valentine's Day I shove.

Author: Cara Gundersen
-A +A


Comments

Exactly!

Cara Gundersen - Mon, 2006-25-9 7:21 pm
Valentine's Day rubs your nose in the fact that you are single. My entire point! Whether you care about being single or not, for the entire month leading up to the damn commercialized holiday, you have love crammed down your throat. I, for one, am surrounded by it non-stop. I am the only single friend in my entire group. I've gotten to the point where I honestly don't care anymore. But once this sap-ass month crawls around, I can't walk into CVS to buy gum without being reminded that I am not in a relationship. It is a kick-you-in-the-neck holiday. Sure! Celebrate your love! That's wonderful...but if you can only find one day out of 365 to do it, maybe your relationship needs to be examined.

I wrote a short about

EduardoCorocchio - Mon, 2006-25-9 3:42 pm
I wrote a short about february once, and it ultimately turned into a tirade against Valentine's Day, which in reality, was really about a recent lost relationship. I have a feeling you had a similar experience. Even though I generally have to agree with Publius about the "sweet sappy crap," my short was inspired by the absence of the sweet sappy crap (that's pretty fun to say...sweet sappy crap). However, there's a limit to how much one can take, and Valentine's Day (alone or not) has a way of rubbing your nose in it. For that reason, and that reason alone Love is a bastard, a bitch, and an ass. Eddie

M. Cook

so basically...

ptpenguin - Thu, 2006-21-9 11:31 am
You're saying "love hurts"... sounds like a song to me.... "It's easy to forget what's important—so don't." - Mr. Mom

"Never argue with an idiot. The people watching might not know the difference"
ptpenguin's Xombyte

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That's the best Valentine

Publius - Wed, 2006-20-9 8:19 pm
That's the best Valentine poem I've ever read. Seriously. Who wants all that sweet, sappy crap. Be sure to rewrite it on Valentine's Day.

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