14
votes

Are Farts Funny?

posted October 29, 2008 - 8:31am
Are Farts Funny?

In these days of political, economic and climatic extremism, fundamental questions go unasked.

Are Farts Funny? What do you think? I think they are and if you don't you should chill out and let rip. Sounds dramatic - it surely can be - read this before you answer, make your mind up or let one go.

Last week, my friend's eldest, a boy of 5, thought it would be extremely funny if, (when his parents were entertaining important guests), he were to walk into the room where the group were enjoying after dinner drinks and small talk, and emit a very loud fart. He did just that and, post-emission, broke down in tears of laughter. His Father was furious and marched the offending child from the room. His Mother asked forgiveness of her guests. The guests looked embarrassed made some diplomatic remarks and the whole affair was rather uncomfortable.

When my friend related this embarrassing incident to me, although I tried not to laugh, I was unable to contain myself. My friend was annoyed but I told her she was a hypocrite and listed several occasions in the past when she herself had laughed at farts. Firstly, I reminded her of the rhyme we were fond of when we were children - a rhyme we were told came from the tomb stone of a man in a small parish church in Worcestershire, England. It went like this:

Where'er you be
Let a Fart Go Free
For "twere the want of a fart
That killed poor me!

 

My friend started to smile but still didn"t see the humour in the incident we discussed. Not perturbed I reminded her of another childhood verse we must have recited a thousand times between us: It went:

Tarzan in the jungle
Got the belly ache
Wants to go to the toilet
Plurp, plurp [fart noise, fart noise]
Too late!

 

It was then that the switch went on and my friend laughed. Having her on the floor I continued reminiscing about fart incidents and anecdotes from our past.

When we were eleven we'd named fart types, just like millions have done in the past are doing now and will in the future. For us farts, loosely fell into two categories “rumblers” and “splips”. The biggest fart, the one we aimed for, was the “dynamite black rumbly”. The smallest fart, the one that we found very disappointing upon producing yet did cause us a different kind of amusement - think giggle as opposed to the guffaws that followed dynamite black rumblies - was from the Splip genus and known as a “light-switch”.

My friend continued to laugh but protested “but that was when we were young”.

“Excuse me?” I said - “what about two months ago?

“What about two months ago?” quizzed my tittering friend

Two months ago my friend had called to relate a tale a friend had told her that day. She'd found it extremely funny and wanted to share it with me. Dave X had remarked to her that he'd thought someone was driving a Harley Davison motorbike through his kitchen yesterday but it turne out to be just the sound of his wife farting.

My friend was still laughing when I returned to the subject of her dog-housed five year old by enquiring “Don't you think you're sending your son mixed messages?” She was cracking up when her son (the farter) entered the room and I did something I hadn't done in front of her for a good twenty years and probably more. I farted!

I laughed, she laughed and her son went into near hysterics. We had some explaining to do to her husband later that evening, but as expected, given a few drinks and convivial company he too laughed and in so doing found farts funny.

Proof positive that Farts are Funny.



Comments

Final FART!

My stats reveal that although all Xomba readers seem to find them (farts) funny - readers of Triond do not. I might email the editior about this serious matter and unique discovery. Dear Sir, It has come to my attention that readers of your esteemed online publications find the subject of farts to be rather distasteful. At the same time, I have noticed that readers of Xomba - a rival online magazine like thingy - are most amused by farts and all related issues (including belching and burping). I am hoping you can take steps to remedy this situation. Your readership is obviously up-tight and you'd serve them well by publishing more fart related articles and encouraging them to let rip. Yours Concerned of Tenerife

AndAnotherThing2 writes COMEDYand is Xomba's first featured HISTORIAN

That because....

...it's universally understood that they are funny - tis unanimous!

Fart Debate Lingers

Add your comment. Nobody has yet argued that farts aren't funny!

AndAnotherThing2 writes COMEDYand is Xomba's first featured HISTORIAN

FART P.S.

Also, Triond declined to publish this obvious piece of literary genius at first and then - without any communication from me - it appeared as if by magic - a bit like the topic under serious debate.

AndAnotherThing2 writes COMEDYand is Xomba's first featured HISTORIAN

Farts on Triond.com

I'm not sure what to make of this data so I'll publish it here in hope of some insighful ANALysis ARE FARTS FUNNY? TRIOND STATS: Published 22nd September 2008 Readers to 29th October 2008 = 23 Likes = 1 Comments = 0 XOMBA STATS: Published 29th October 2008 Readers to 19:30 (my clock) 135 Likes = 5 Comments = 21

AndAnotherThing2 writes COMEDYand is Xomba's first featured HISTORIAN

sound of tearing cardboard

This is obviously the sane asylum, a refuge from the futility of politics and religion. Actually, reminds me a story in Private Eye many years ago. Some poor Indian guy dies from methane poisoning farting all night. The police nearly fainted when they opened the door. The guy had closed all the windows too. The blame was placed on an excessive bean feast that night. A neighbour said he heard the sound of tearing cardboard all night but couldn't figure out what it was. So, be careful with those burrrrrritos. Money for your Thoughts - join now OWO-BV

Farts, Farts, and Damned Farts

You can spray that again - it would be dynamite! I'm sure they could aqueeze something out - do your best, that's all anyone can ask.

AndAnotherThing2 writes COMEDYand is Xomba's first featured HISTORIAN

Some smell the roses, others the fertilizer

I am fresh out of commissions, but I can write a letter to Van Kamp's or Bush's baked beans and see if they can throw a little flavor your way. JOIN XOMBA IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO ADD!

Loud Farts

This is the funniest answer yet. I wish I had a certificate to send you. I have already started to write the stage play, inspired ny this correspondence - here is a quick excerpt MAN A: Describe your Farts MAN B: "shall I compare them to a Summer's Day?" MAN A: (FARTS on a 9/10 scale) MAN B: You emit poetry in motion MAN A: Smell the roses? MAN B: (Speaking from under his jumper - pulled up over his head) No thank you, I only like my own... Should I finish it? Please contact me should you wish to commission this important work to ensure its future.

AndAnotherThing2 writes COMEDYand is Xomba's first featured HISTORIAN

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