As readers of Part One and Part Two will have discovered (if they are not already experts in the Art of Hiding and the Element of Surprise) you work with what you are given. The need to be spontaneous and extra-inventive builds as your children grow older and, quite frankly, they become more cynical with age. Thankfully we (as parents and/or carers) can move the goal posts – indeed this is essential to stay one step ahead and to frighten the very wits out of the little dears.

Take my advice and always be on the lookout for props or new uses for standard household equipment. Take for instance how I employed our apartment’s rubbish shoot in one highly satisfactory episode. With this method the element of surprise was, should I ever be marked for my efforts, a starred A.

Setting the Scene

We live on a first floor apartment and have a rubbish shoot fashioned from a metal of some sort. This is fine for small bags of rubbish (I believe garbage is the American term). However, larger items have to be taken down and placed in the bin at the base of the tunnel which forms the rubbish shoot. I had a box of rubbish which I required depositing thus.

It was a dark, winter’s evening and my daughter and her boyfriend were in the sanctuary of her bedroom and I was preparing a favourite meal. NOTE: If I was about to serve up any old slop, my cunning plan would not have worked so well. I believe that children and young adults are only human and will do more for someone who is about to reward them either with money, a gift or delicious food.

The Art of Hiding and the Element of Surprise

Looking like a perfectly normal mother, blissfully happy in her domestic chores (cooking dinner) I called to my daughter, words to the effect

“come hither child and bring with you that boy who’s always here if not on the telephone when I answer it… dinner’s nearly ready”

She and he were soon in my kitchen when I asked if they would mind taking the box of rubbish and disposing of it in the bin. I wouldn’t ask her to do such an activity after dark normally, I explained, but as she would be accompanied and dinner would be on the table almost as soon as they returned – it was a win – win situation. The pair duly obliged, picked up the box of rubbish, proceeded to leave the apartment and I swung into action.

In the manner of a cartoon character and much quieter than was called for (as they couldn’t hear me) I crept out of the kitchen door, across the balcony and took up position beside the cupboard which, when opened, revealed the head of the rubbish shoot. Less than two minutes later, I heard the pair chatting and having fun in one another’s company, as they arrived with the box and commenced putting it in the bin.

It was then exactly that I, assisted by the echo and resonance of the metal rubbish shoot which mimicked a massive microphone, let lose a blood curdling, ghostly moan!

My daughter screamed and so did her boyfriend (up until then I’d thought him quite brave); both I’m ashamed to admit, displayed their potty mouth vocabularies too.

“What the f*** was that?” shouted he.

Unfortunately, at this point I was unable to contain myself and self congratulations any further, corpsed and now my laughter amplified down the shoot.

“My bloody mother” replied my daughter.

READ THE OTHER ARTICLES IN THIS SERIES
The Art of Hiding and The Element of Surprise | Number One
The Art of Hiding and the Element of Surprise | Number Two

Other Comedy Articles by AndAnotherThing2 includes

1 Wobble Your Fat Away
2 The Lights are on but Nobody's at Home!
3 The Element of Surprise 1
4 The Element of Surprise 2
5 How to Embarrass Your Children
6 Shut Your Gob You Annoying Creep
7 How to Make Your Own Codpiece
8 The Jack Sprat Syndrome

AndAnotherThing2 also publishes original educational, history-comedy, including a series called Weird Histories, see for example:

Weird Histories Number 4 | Simeon and His Poo

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