Roger Moore’s My Word Is My Bond is published by Michael O’Mara Books. I don’t know where he found his ghost-writer, maybe it’s his accountant.

Roger Moore is the first to admit to being an average actor. Maybe in the hope to be contradicted, I won’t contradict him on that except for telling him that average is still praising him over his head. He definitely is a very bad writer or chose a very bad ghost-writer for his book. The book is like his acting, mealy mouthed and bland.

When celebrities bring out their biographies, it is customarily a pack of lies. They fall in two categories, how I would have liked my life to have been, and how I would like to be remembered. This one falls into the second category. But whereas other celebrities showed a certain artfulness in names dropping, this is just plain over-kill. I wondered if some of his dear friends even remember having ever met him.

Starting with his childhood in Stockwell, South London, is not a topic that fascinates, nor being a hypochondriac, it’s not even amusingly presented. But calling every person he cares to mention, i.e. drop the name, a very good friend is putting it on too brown. And leaving out two marriages and the reasons for their break up just shows the quality of the biography: Zero content.

This book probably started out life as a list of names that then were cobbled together willy nilly. The long litany of names dropped from actors to singers, from presidents to royalty, is interspersed with thin anecdotal comments, most of which is either spurious or plainly just invented. The final bomb shell is the last chapter; it’s a boring list of all the countries he has ever been to. Publisher said it needed a few more pages; let’s draw up another list and save the work of putting words to it.

There is absolutely no reason why anybody would want to buy this book. It’s bland like a glass of water, but with less taste. It is boring as Roger Moore as James Bond. It puts you to sleep every second passage and the ghost-writer must have died of boredom while inventing it. Even fans will be shocked by the complete emptiness that is Roger Moore.

I have accorded this book the title of Passenger Number One on the James Bond marketing train. IF ever there was a book more uncalled for, I still have to find it.