I don't even know where to start.  Perhaps with introducing myself?

My name, or my pseudonym, is Cecilia.   I'm a huge band geek and I play trumpet in my school's marching band.  I'm a junior in high school, and I guess I'm doing this so I can vent and not reap the consequences from venting on my friends.  I wouldn't say my life is complicated.  Do I make it complicated?  Yes.  I love drama- not the gossiping, petty high school girl drama.  Drama, like theatre and the arts.  I love to act.  I'm president of the Drama Club at my school and it's a big part of my life.  I listen to a wide variety of music.  I actually can't think of a genre I don't like.  

I'm going through some stuff right now that I'm not sure how to deal with.  In the near future, there's a possibility I'll be entering the entertainment industry.  Don't get me wrong, that's my dream.  Really.  But I'm terrified.  I don't think I'm fat.  I mean, I weigh like, 120 pounds.  And I'm TALL.  Like, nearly 6 feet tall.  So the whole 'fat' concept is lost on me.  But lately, I've been looking at myself differently.  I'll walk past a mirror and stop to backtrack and just look at myself.  But not in a 'wow I look good way' but more like a scrutinizing, calculating way.  I always said I wasn't going to be one of those girls who constantly obsessed over their weight.  But in the industry I might be in, that's basically everything.  And it's starting to get to me.  I acknowledge this fact.  I acknowledge that my portions at meals ARE getting smaller.  But honestly, I have no appetite.  When I'm hungry, I eat. 

I'm really bad at relationships.  I'm afraid to open up to people at the risk of getting hurt. As long as I'm sharing a lot, I might as well say it.  I finally did open myself up to my boyfriend, and he decided I wasn't worth it.  He dumped me after 3 weeks and it destroyed me.  It confirmed all my fears about being open.  I am slightly boy-crazy.  But, when I meet a guy I really like, all the others sort of fade away.  That's nice.  But then I focus all my attention on him, and eventually I get hurt.  Which sucks.  Especially when I realize that I pushed all the other guys away to pay attention to the first guy.  I 'm getting better though.  I've started telling myself that I don't need a boyfriend, and boys ruin careers.  And honestly, right now, they do. I need to stay focused on my future.  I can't risk getting involved with a guy compromise this amazing opportunity. 

Well.  This is my first attempt at spilling my emotions.  Anyone who read it, congrats on making it this far.  With band practice, I don't know when I'll really get to update constantly.  But expect my updates to be random.  Not just in their appearance but in their content as well.  I don't know if you noticed, but I'm sort of un-diagnosed ADD.  Or maybe I'm just scatterbrained.

Either way, everything tends to come out at once in a huge jumble.

~Cecilia / LOLThenSheSaid

(I'll explain the username next time I guess.  It's not really that interesting a story, but just know it has nothing to do with the whole 'that's what she said' thing.)