As someone who spent 5 years in an abusive marriage listening to my spouse brag he had friends who could kill someone, hide the body and get away with it, I can tell you there's no way I want him back. And no force on earth or hell can make me take him back.

A friend recently sent me an email (not intending to be offensive) about sites she had found telling me I could get my ex-husband back. I thanked her, told her the above, and took a look out of curiosity to see what on earth she had been reading.

These ads, sites, and e-books are full of @@@!!!XXX. There were a few e-books that could be read for free. A more polite term is garbage. If people have so much income to waste, why not donate the money to a women's or children's shelter? A local pet shelter, perhaps?

Or, better yet, spend the money they were going to waste on this drivel to get professional help? That would be a far better use of money and time.

Most of these sites do not acknowledge the fact that there was a reason the breakup or marriage ended. I have seldom seen anything on any of these sites or in the e-books I read stating to get counseling.

There were a few statements about restraining orders ominously suggesting ways to make contact with the target (oops, your intended) to get them to break the restraining order so the stalker (oops again, love-lorn pursuer) could make contact without going to jail. On a scale of 1 to 10 for creepy, this blew me away at 100 to the power of 100.

If the breakup happened due to a lack of trust, as most do, what on earth makes anyone think that deceipt, manipulation or treachery will work?

Courtroom dramas are full of people getting back with their ex's and being conned out of thousands of dollars, TV networks have loads of mystery shows about couples reuniting after a bad relationship only to have one member "vanish," and talk shows like Dr. Phil are cashing in on these relationship disasters.

If an ex makes contact, what is the safest thing to do? Well, it depends on the relationship. Don't let yourself be manipulated, intimidated or allow emotional blackmail to guide you.

If it was a lack of trust, meeting in a public place using seperate transportation may be the start to talks. The person who broke the trust should be made aware that trust is earned, not given and if they want trust again, they'll have to work to earn it back. That's IF you want them back.

If the relationship ended because of controlling or violent behavior, under no circumstances meet this person or let them in your home for round two. This is where a lot of people are sent to the hospital or morgue. The news is way too full over stories of "if I can't have you no one will" attacks and murders. As a former Paramedic I have seen this all too often.

Years ago I had a boyfriend that I kicked to the curb because he was unfaithful. He called and called, whining that he wanted a second chance and that other girlfriends let him run loose. When I said no, he said he would kill himself. This is emotional blackmail. By then I was furious (this call went on for 10 minutes after being called 30 times that day), I told him "go ahead- you'll stop calling me then." He never called back.

If you have lost a relationship, get on with your life. There are millions of other people on this planet. Get counseling and realize that you're far better off with someone who feels about you the way you feel about them.

Save your money and put it into something productive, not something that's going to get you arrested.