Well, here it is 11:40 at night and once again my son is still up. He's refusing to go to bed. I can't force him to close his eyes, or I would! It's no wonder I'm exhausted all the time. He literally wears me out. And when I'm worn out, I'm grumpy. I feel like the meanest mother alive. He constantly tells me he hates me. He's been like this since he started kindergarten. I don't know what to do anymore.

I talked to Dave today and asked him to come over. He said he had a busy day tomorrow, and he'd rather come out when he can be here for more than an hour. I thought that was sweet. But...I think I'm being played. I saw on his MySpace that a "friend" of his said she was sorry about tonight. Apparently he must've already had plans. I mentioned it to him on the phone, and he denied it. When I checked his MySpace just a few minutes ago, all his comments had been erased. I had left one on there asking if he was coming over or what. Maybe he didn't want her to see that message. I'd love to contact her and see if they're dating, but that's just way too stalkerish. I want to ask him about it, but I'm afraid of the answer. He'd probably lie anyway. He has me so confused and just torn up inside.

Between him and my son, I feel as though I'm being punished for some reason. Why can't I just have peace in my life? I rarely feel happy. I hardly ever smile. It's been a long time since I had a true, belly-wrenching laugh. I'm so serious all the time. I don't remember being like this. Why did I turn into this empty shell of a person. I truly feel as there is nothing inside me. I merely exist.