Valentine's Day is coming up and I don't technically have a Valentine. I have a gay man. Nico and I have been friends since he was straight. We've been through the good times and bad. When he came out I had to deal with all the girls who showed up outta nowhere to steal my spot as his number one hag. We've gone from making promises in Highschool to marry each at age 40 to me procreating with him when he decides to have a family...which the jury is out on by the way - not sure baring his child is a good idea, but we have discussed it.

As of late it has been getting worse. By worse, I mean sad...on my part. Since he moved to San Fransisco he longs for a familiar voice and calls me everyday. We talk for at least an hour about anything and everything. I've started thinking lately about all the time and effort I am putting into our relationship and have come to the realization that Nico is my Gay Boyfriend. I have just made this term up so allow me to define it.

Gay Boyfriend: A boy who fills all the needs you have emotionally and mentally, but not pysically because he is a homosexual. However, he fills the void of a boyfriend by being a good snuggler, possible makeout buddy when drunk, and excellent self esteem booster because he is your cheerleader and confidant.

Sounds great right? I wish! I know I am just using him to replace a healthy normal relationship I should be having with a straight guy. Why can't I find a straight man who likes to talk? Or a straight man who is sensitive?

Actually, the only serious and steady male relationship I have ever known is Nico. Come to think of it...Am I turning into a Gay Man? I know it sounds weird, but am I? Can it be that after years and years of being a fag hag you can pick up so many mannerisms and musky smelling hair products that you can become a gay man wannabe?

Don't get me wrong, i love me - I'm awesome! But wait - isn't that what the stereotypical gay man would say? Let me break it down:

- I wear my hair is a crazy faux hawk mullet artsie thing (A haircut I stole from a gay man at the MAC makeup counter)
- I use overly expensive sculpting hair products that make my hair smell like hot boy
- I have a "thing" for expensive leather mens shoes
- I think Paul Banks of Interpol is dead sexy!
- I think Ewan McGregor is HOT during his love scene with Christian Bale in Velvet Goldmine
- I think a guy in Eye makeup is the bee's knees.
- I say things like Bee's Knees.
- I wear silk scarves with polk-a-dots or ties with a nice sweatervest
- I never wear heels
- I know how to accessorize
- My turn off is a guy who has a crew cut that wants to talk about his drinking, football, wrestling or hockey.
- I love gay art films
- I've worked at Disneyland
- I have an opinion on whether Belle and Sebastian are better or worse now that Isobell is gone.
- I have a thing for British band boys: the thinner, the pastier, the better.

Okay! So looking at this list - yep - i'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body. Damn. So now what?