Life is a crazy thing. We never know what’s going to happen, yet we still walk on like we’re invincible. We don’t change our minds something that “couldn’t happen” happens and knocks us on our butts. We get up stunned and try to move forward. Our steps are staggered and wobbly. Some just get up and keep walking as nothing happened. Some learn to deal and not take it personal, and some just don’t know what to do and try to move forward.

I’m a little of all, but right now, I fall in the last group. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. There are so many things going on in my life that I feel that I don’t know where to go next. I at times feel like I can’t catch my breath. Life right now feels almost like a boxing match. Life keeps throwing punch after punch. I dodge one and hit by the other. If I do evade both, I get kicked in the gut. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I have my team in the corner, but they try to help to they’re ability, but at times they tend to put rubbing alcohol in the deeps cuts and it takes my breath away almost as much as the wound. I know I need to heal and over come what my bruises, cuts, and wounds, but there are some that are just very deep and are reopened.

Bruises:
Grades from last semester
Lost communication with close friends
Small arguments with Jake
Cuts:
Family not appreciating my friends and Jake
David going no where
Feeling Detached
Wounds:
Not being part of my family
Mom’s death
Not having help “dad” promised

The above is a basic list of the wounds, cuts, and bruises. The bruises are okay. They only hurt when bumped (reminding of the incident, or an argument occurs). The cuts are healing, but slowly and are being reopened or picked at. I find more about David or the family does something else to push away my friends or Jake The feeling detached is due to the family situation, but also just being so far away and not being able to talk to people as much…The wounds are a whole other story. They are open and raw and alcohol has been poured and salted added.

The cuts and bruises are doing better, so I’ll just dive in to the wounds. They’re the ones that I’ve having the most difficulty with. I have a great deal of trouble not feeling like I’m a part of my family. A family, that chooses to have me and love me, now rejects me. Although, now they really aren’t the family that had chosen me they’ve changes so much. My dad said that he would help me with my bills and send me money, but he’s practically cut me off. He doesn’t want to send the money he said he would. My mom’s death is practically healed, there’s just a scar now I think.
I’ve tried to talk to Jake about the family issue and he tried his best, but just upset me. I understand what he was trying to say. I talked to Keely about it and I know he was just trying to help and that he cares. I think I displaced some angry on him that was meant for my family. But it didn’t help him saying to “get over it”.
I want to take his family as my own, but it’s different and I don’t know how to show him that. I love his family and consider it mine too, but I still want my family. I’m jealous of him at times. He has HIS family. I’m a part of it. I don’t have a family of my own, least not nuclear. It’s really hard for me. Family is so important to me. I worked so hard for my family and sacrificed so much, and now, I’m pushed to the streets. It’s hard for Jake to see that, he didn’t know me before the family turned sour. I also have a hard time with his view of his family. I feel he takes his for granted. He doesn’t like to eat dinner with his family. He doesn’t like to help out around the house. And the way he speaks to his family just sends shivers down my spine. Especially to his parents, I could never say some of the things he says.

Well, I’m tired and going to go, but I’ll try to write later.