An exasperated judge outlined McCutcheon’s nonqualifications for a life of crime. “Whoever heard of a burglar succeeding with only one leg, a withered hand, and a glass eye? It’s time you gave it up. You are a rotten burglar. You are always being caught.”

At one time “the perfect crime” was an often used expression. But some attempts seem doomed to failure from the start, whether the result of poor planning, bad luck, inept perpetrators, or a combination thereof, some crimes deserve a lesser superlative.

...On January 20, 1979, David Goodall, an accomplished shoplifter from Barnsley, England, entered a general store. Having helped himself to what he wanted, he made for the door – only to be stopped by no fewer than eight detectives. Unknown to him, the shop he had raided had been selected as the site for a convention of store-detectives.