Cities Stand By!
As if we didn’t have enough to worry about in the urban jungle, it now comes to light that parents will soon be obliged to carry their kids.  Miniature dogs need be eliminated, and cats, how ironic, will soon be  banned! Since the invasion of the monster Attenboroughi plant, small people, move at your own risk. 
Who would have dreamt that the worlds oldest problem, rodent control, RATS!, would be resolved with the placement of rodent eating shrubbery on every sidewalk, in every alley.  Some mornings you can almost hear them chewing!
How lucky for us!  One Stewart McPherson, while doing some research high atop Mt. Victoria, in Southeast Asia happened upon Nepenthes Attenbououghii, the now heralded rat-eating plant.
Pitcher plants have been victimizing flies for just about ever; now we have a ripely perfumed pitcher that swallows rats and mice.  Also frogs it seems, but we don’t have a big frog problem in the urban jungle.

And while I have your attention, don’t think of water skiing on Lake Michigan.

The army corps of engineers is increasing the voltage on electric barriers at water entry points leading into Lake Michigan in an effort to contain the 100 pound, 4 foot long dreaded Asian Carp.

"They're at the gate now," said Marc Gaden, a spokesman for the Great Lakes Fishery Commission. "The barrier is the only thing that stands between the carp and Lake Michigan . . . this is the closest we've seen."

The "Dreaded Asian Carp" may indeed become a problem. A voracious eater, it squeezes out the other fish, and, with an ability to jump 10 feet out of the water, it has been known to strike fear into the hearts of fishermen, and water skiers.