"We just can't seem to work it out. So we're braking." Sound familiar? I basically get to hear this all the time from and about people all around. This is almost like a plague. People don't seem to be able to maintain a relationship for more than the shortest of time. Let me share a few insights, that admittedly are not at all that original, but still it's a different point of view.

Ask yourself what is the most common reason for somebody to get involved in a relationship? Loneliness? You've got it. Some call it boredom, some call it romance, the truth is, we just weren't created to live alone. There's this longing deep inside for the company of another. And going to partys, having fun with friends does fill that need, but only so much. THere's always that deep desire to have one person that you can always go to, no matter what has happend. To have one person who's always there for you, who understands, most important accepts you as you are. I call that the desire for love. (Well I didn't come up with the idea obviously, but you get the idea :-))

So what's the problem. All of us have this deep longing, so we find a way to fill the need, right? Well that's exactly the problem. So long as your only goal in a relationship is filling your own need, then you only want the relationship as long as it fills the need, with minimum effort. You see our whole modern society is focused on minimizing the effort needed to accomplish any goal. So if something requires more effort, we just find another way to do it.

Where were we? Relationships happen in the middle of two people. And NO TWO PEOPLE ARE ALIKE! So if the other is not exactly like myself that means that we are bound to not agree on some topics, to not have the same tastes in EVERYTHING and so on. And that creates tension. And resolving tension in a relationship requires effort and willpower and control. And that's exactly what we don't want to do right? We want it all ready and done without having to do anything about it. So most often a relationship will last until the first problems arrive and then... well we can't expect a guy to have to fight for love right? Or can we?

Can you think of one thing you are truly committed to? Like your favorite hobby. Is it some kind of sport? Or collecting something? Well, do you remember how many times you were willing to do just that little bit more, in order to achieve your next goal? Run that extra mile? Pay that little extra for that precious stamp, or bottle, or book? Why would you do something more? Why would you stretch your limits? Commitment. It's a magical word. One that is able to make you do almost anything to achieve the goal you are commited to.

What happens if we put commitment in a relationship? And put it in the right place as well. What if my commitment is not to just filling my own need, but to actually filling the need of the other? Now things look different, because the measure of success in the relationship is not what I am getting out of it, but what I am giving to the other person. Now imagine the other person having he same commitment? Boy too perfect to be true? Yes. Or not? Remember the hobby? Just think of how great you could be at your hobby if there was someone else just as committed to it as you are, and that other person was committed to helping you achieve the goal? MAybe the collection could get a lot bigger with two people collecting the same thing together? Or running is more productive with someone else running alongside you and encouraging you.

Ever herd the Bible verse saying: "Two are better than one. For if the one falls, the two will support each other!" So instead of trying to achieve romance for yourself as a goal and looking for the perfect partner who can fill your needs, why not try to be the perfect partner for somebody else and let him be the same for you, and see of romance doesn't come naturally. Want to bet how long could a relationship based on those principles last? Try FOREVER