Conner's Corner - Nintendo Hater Gets Pwned

You know what pisses me off?

People that hate on Nintendo without good reason.

Awhile ago I was involved in an email conversation with an individual who didn't think the Nintendo Wii would be successful. I quickly took all of their points and turned them 180 degrees, and afterwards, they never replied to anything else I tried to write to them. Here is that conversation, unedited and unaltered:

*Note; I was half-asleep when I wrote my retort, so forgive the sometimes poor quality.*

THEM: "I didnt think I was gonna get a chance to use it this year but you sir ( Nintendo Man-at-Arms ) in my most humble observation happens be an "IDIOT" Now seeing that I can only proclaim one offical Idiot a year I feel that this one has not gone to waste. I know that message boards arent as pretty and flashy like the latest Mario game and that they do require reading (which may be challenging for some) I do feel that some recaping is in order.

I stated that the EyeToy was a gimick so why bother repeating that in your statment. As for the Halo headset what does that have to do with anything? Bungie doesnt make accessories. Just beacuse another company decided to do some marketing by printing halo on it doesnt make it a gimick. It's by far one of the best headsets for Xbox to date. But then again one would have to use it in order to find that out.
DVD playback a gimick? My computer has dvd playback but I suppose that gimicky. And yes Xbox and even the first Playstation has software that allows you to use your own music on certain games. But working at a game store for 5 years I have never heard one customer say "OOooo.. I want this game beacuse I can listen to my own music who carses what the gameplays like" DVD and customized soundtrack a gimick? No. A feature? Yes!

When you compare the Wii's analog controler to that of a "Mouse and Keyboard" I can only assume you havent used either. But lets pretend your at work and your on computer 1. Customer wants to trade in some games so what do you do? You pick up the mouse and wave it in front of the monitor. Nothing happening? Try typing on the keyboard and holing it at the same time. Kinda hard? Now do that for a few hours and see how much "Fun" your having.

The free suspension of an analog control is a terrible idea and is only playable for a prolonged period of time when its supported in a conventional docking bay controler. But thats just one mans view.

As for the Gimicks Nintendo has pulled out quite a few. More so than any other gaming company that I know of. Lets start out with ROB. You do remember ROB the robot dont you? If not maybe beacuse he was only use for ONE game. Maybe its beacuse Nintendo only made it to package in with systems claiming that the NES was not a video game system but a toy instead. After they got their foothold in the reatil establishment ROB went to an early grave. He was never more than a gimick to fool others. Keeping with the times how many games were developed for the Power Golve? Uno? Oh sure you could "Use" it on any game but it failed on all accounts. If you believe otherwise I suggest you watch your mint copy of "The Wizard" and keep living the lie. What ever happend to the disk drive for SNES? Oh yeah its call a Sony Playstation. You can thank your golden Mario for creating it's own downfall. Let me ask you if I have an Nintendo 64 and it's jungle green does it play better than the laval red system? Sniff Sniff.. you smell that? Smells kinda gimicky in here. Or how about all those cool pictures you took with your gameboy camera. What? You say that you dont have anymore thermal paper to print those lovely gimicks on your gameboy printer? And someone refresh my memory but didnt a top offical of Nintendo get fired beacuse of the dismal showing of the Virtual Boy? Would have been a cool system if it wasnt so gimicky. And so many others.. the N64 transfer pack, the mario party 6 mic, the nintendo ds, cube links, gameboys e-reader, gameboy micro, superscope for snes, mario paint, etc, etc.

Seems to me Nintendo knows how to bank on the gimicks.
But Im not the only one to see this. We all know that the gamecube is superior in the hardware dept over playstation. So why dose the PS2 do so much more in sales? Could it be the 3rd party line up? Why did Capcom promise to make 5 exclusive games for Gamecube yet backed out on its deal and moved them to sony as well? Why do EA titles come out 10 dollars cheaper on the gamecube than XBOX or PS2? Why is it that we recieve shipments I get 15 copies of a title on every system except for Gamecube of which I get maybe 2? (Unless its made by nintendo in which case I get 4 to 5) Nintendo can only live on pokemon and gameboy for so long. Not that I want to see it but I figured in thier current direction they will fail the same way Sega did in less than 8 years and end up selling thier software to the survivors.

In conclusion the only non intelligent thing Im guilty of is responding to an "Idiots" post. ."

MY RETORT: "Very impressive; all except the insulting parts. Oh, well.

ROB and the Power Glove- Gadgets created in the first generation of something new and exciting that seemed cool at the time; created when Nintendo was still small-time and it couldn't hurt. Also circa 1985, so arguing those is out the window.

The Wizard- A huge commercial for Super Mario Bros. 3.

SNES Disc Drive- I agree, the single biggest mistake ever made by a company in the history of gaming.

Colored N64s- I found my green 64 does work better than my gray one. I have a friend whose Halo edition X-Box hardly ever overheats, and his steel-accented one is indestructable. Also, I've heard the pink iPods work better than the original white. And let's not forget that green cars have better gas mileage than purple ones. The point? Just tell me; since when has color selection for anything been gimmicky?

GameBoy Camera- I finally stopped using it. These things called digital cameras came to the public market about 8 or 9 years later, where you have a real-time viewfinder in the camera itself. They also came out with printer decks for these cameras that let you print out the pictures on special paper. Somebody apparently thought Nintendo had an interesting idea with one of their "gimmicks." And no, I'm not basing digital cameras' existence on the GameBoy camera. Don't get ahead of yourself looking for loopholes in my arguments.

N64 transfer pack- Gee...who would want to mingle and use game information from games on two different systems? If I had a really powerful Pokemon, I'd NEVER want to use it on Pokemon games for different systems. Seriously, who really wants to see a 2D video-game character you enjoy using transferred into 3D and set in a new game environment?!

Mario Party 6 microphone- I'll give you that one.

Nintendo DS- You're calling an entirely new system a gimmick? Wow. How many DSs have been sold so far, total, worldwide? I read it's nearly twice that of the PSP, a completely non-gimmicky system with features found dirt-cheap elsewhere (gotta love the movie-viewing setup stations for them, though, right?) Let's not forget that the DS has sold over 21 million units as of June 2006, as opposed to the PSP, which is just now starting to scratch above 10 million units sold.

Cube Links- Hmm...what a concept. Using a system to enhance gameplay on another! Maps for Splinter Cell are useless while playing it. Rewards for beating Prime and Fusion...who wants those? You know what I hate? Having treasure locations made easier to find in Zelda: Wind Waker. *Goes back to reading his article on future compatibility options for the PSP and Sony consoles...*

GameBoy E-Reader- Another one that I'll definitely concede. It was an interesting concept, but not realistic.

GameBoy Micro- Let's just add that to the list; top-loading NES, SNES compact, PSOne, GameBoy pocket, PS2 Mini, GBA SP. I think it fits in nicely with that list, since all those contained there are the same system as the original with a few improvements. The GB Micro is no different; higher screen resolution, easier to carry and store.

SNES SuperScope- Nobody ever liked playing Hogan's Alley or Duck Hunt. Everybody hates Time Crisis and House of the Dead titles. Silent Scope is pretty crappy, as well. Yep, people hate periphreals made for just a few games. I mean, seriously...who REALLY buys DDR pads and PS2 headsets and X-Box light guns just so they can play DDR and SOCOM and House of the Dead?

Mario Paint- See...I thought people always liked to draw and paint and mess with art in their own way. I guess Microsoft should stop putting Paint in every edition of Windows. Adobe should DEFINITELY stop producing copies of PhotoShop. You know what? How about we take away every possible way to use electronic devices to have fun with art and make it ourselves? From now on, Etch-a-Sketch and a No. 2 pencil is all anybody is allowed. Wait...I think Etch-a-Sketches are gimmicky as well, right?

Why does the PS2 have so much more in sales? Sony advertises better. Sony knows how to use image to their advantage. Sony lets no-name developers make no-name games for their systems. This is also why the PS2 selection is so ridiculously huge; seven crappy games for every really good one. They also are still going off the reason the PS1 was so successful; making every sports game in the world for it. Sports games are usually what casual gamers play, because anything else isn't "cool" enough. Nintendo doesn't bend over for casual gamers. The PS2 has so much more sales because apparently nobody knows that DVD players are $30 at Wal-Mart, and if they look in their car, home, or office they'll probably find a CD player. The PS2 has so much more sales because Sony knows consumers like violence, so of course they're going to release every violent game known to man, regardless of quality, i.e. NARC, Nanobreaker, and whatever 50 Cent's game is called. The PS2's numbers are based on sheer quantity, not quality. You walk in a game store, a new gamer, and you're going to go for the system with the most games. You're not going to care what the games are like, as long as there's more to choose from.

And the RE4 controller? That's Nubytech cashing in on a game's success. You think there wouldn't be one if it had come out for the PS2 first? Well, it might not have. After all, the PS2 is the system that already has Street Fighter controllers and weird monster-faces controllers, etc.

As far as the Wii controller goes, read up a bit more on it. I'm just repeating in short-version what I've read quite a few reviewers and testers say. Oh, they're all from major publications and stuff, too. So....ya know. Not that it takes any knowledge of these things to get on the staff of a major videogame publication.

I'll leave it at that. Feel free to try again sometime, though. It really was a pleasure showing how your post of only sounded good through the use of excellent word use and witty, vaguely-insulting sarcasm.