Hollywood has been stingy with the new releases this week ...which is a good thing. If Couples Retreat is the best thing the American film industry has to offer, it's probably best we don't see the runners-up. Regarding that movie, we received a strange e-mail from Donovan Laird, a film critic from the future who detailed his search for the island oasis on which Couples Retreat was filmed...and the consequences of following in Jason Bateman's footsteps. Also, resident Anglo Ian Maddison reviews The Damned United, a film about soccer football (booo-ring); new Crazy Eight and proud American Robert Lee reviews a British export that's neither Earl Grey tea nor Ian Maddison himself; we introduce a new feature, Movies That Don't Suck, in which The Crazy Eights pimp some gems; and, as always, we tell you what DVDs to see and what DVDs to avoid like Sophie Lancaster jokes.