Dealing with Life's Struggles


Dealing with Life's Struggles

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I can probably count on one hand the number of days of my adult life that have passed without me wishing, for at least a brief moment, that I were dead.

I’m not suicidal. I don’t ever seriously consider taking my life. Yet there have been countless times when I have dearly wished nothing so much as that my life had simply never existed.

We’re not talking embarrassment here, like when you’re so humiliated you want to die. Instead, it’s an overwhelming sorrow, an intensely oppressive force that creates a certainty that I am without worth and that my presence merely takes up space. At such times, I feel totally defeated, as if merely going on takes more than I can give.

Sometimes this feeling can last for hours, or off and on for days. Fortunately, most of the time it lasts only a brief period – 20-30 minutes, maybe - before I’m able to reason with myself and force myself to go on.

I know why this happens; it’s related to events that happened when I was growing up, and I’m happy that I’ve made progress to where I’m not paralyzed for hours on end any more. My life can be very difficult for me, but I also know there are many ways in which I am much more fortunate than some other people. Life is about struggle; while I don’t always overcome this personal struggle, I’m privileged to know what my struggle is, what causes it and how I can work to overcome it for the day.




user-icon Submitted by irvingl2001 on Mon, 2008-05-12 15:00.

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Overcoming the pain...
binkdonk's picture
Submitted by binkdonk on Mon, 2008-05-12 19:18.

whoa...I'm glad that you are able to "work to overcome" this ailment. I hope you are able to balance such despair with great joy. I feel for you, one day those feelings will be just a distant, faded, memory. Life is too short to have so much sadness. Good luck

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Thank you
irvingl2001's picture
Submitted by irvingl2001 on Mon, 2008-05-12 22:00.

for the kind comment. I agree that life is too short, and despite the pain I feel, I am happy that I've made progress. We all have to do what we can with what we are given.



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I am sorry you feel the way you do. Your comment that
Cherokee's picture
Submitted by Cherokee on Tue, 2008-05-13 23:30.

you often feel your life is of no worth and that you are just taking up space is especially sad. When I feel that way, and I do sometimes, I try to find something that I know has value and get involved in it. One of my favorite things of value is to volunteer at a local school to help a student who is having difficulty with reading or math. When I see his or her progress after only a few sessions, I can't help but feel like my life has more worth than I thought it did. In fact, I may have changed a young person's whole life for the better, and that is certainly worthwhile. I hope you can find a similar solution when the black times come along. Jeanne Gibson



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Your comments are kind
irvingl2001's picture
Submitted by irvingl2001 on Wed, 2008-05-14 14:54.

and I appreciate them. I'm fortunate that I am aware of what causes this problem and am able to find things to get myself out of this situation when it occurs. What you are doing is worthwhile and certainly benefits others in a meaningful way.



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