I was raised to believe that i should aspire to be a wife and mother.  I was raised with the "glass slipper" syndrome.  I was raised to finish all the food on my plate. I was raised to never disrespect an adult. Now that I am an adult and doing the "raising" I realize how differently my life could have gone.

Following my mothers teaching, I fell in love at 16, married at 17 and had my first child at 18 and another fallowed soon after my 20th birthday. I was living the life i was supposed to...wife and mother. Dear momma, my 20 year old husband , was not quiet ready for the demands of being an adult and took it out on me, his wife, the one he had promised to love and cherish. The marriage soon ended for fear of me or my children being hurt. WEll, I was still a mother and still am 10 years later. He has proved to be a disappointment in the father catagory just as he was in the husband catatgory. I felt sorry for myself for several years but have recently realized that I was only doing what I had been taught. In hindsight, man....i realize that you dont have to get married and have children. Boy did my momma ever steer me wrong on that one! I had plenty of time to fall in (true) love and to have children. There have been so many opportunities that I have missed out on but I have so much love for my children that it is ok. I have plenty of time after I raise them to do the things i want, and then I will have lots of years of my own life experience to make the decisions that are right for me. 

The glass slipper lie screwed me up too (and still does to this day). Despite all the heartache and horrible experiences I"ve had I still believe that my prince charming is gonna ride in on a beautiful white stallion and save me. In reality, I have a dead end job, cant afford to go to college, a dying dog in my bathroom that I cant aford to take to the vet, a special needs child who refuses to go to bed and a teeneager who is angry with the whole situation and can never be pleased.  But one day...yes, one day my prince charming will find me.....

My momma also steered me wrong on the whole "your not finished eating until your plate is cleared" situation. I have struggled with stuffing myself and making myself sick on food because there is this nagging that never goes away telling me i HAVE to finish everything on my plate. I'm working on it but its a slow process. Now that I've reached 30 I have to pay more attention to the amoutn and types of food I eat...thanks mom for putting that in my head. My kids arent required to finish everything on their plate.

Momma did teach me to never disrespect adults, a lesson I have tried in vain to pass on to my children. I am so sorry if this is disrespectful to you momma but you caused alot of grief in my life. There are alot of wounds that i'm still trying to heal and I havent seen or spoken to you in three years. I do not feel sorry for you. You and you alone have caused the misery you call your life. And here I am, motherless trying to figure out how to be a better mother to my own children.