(For the purposes of understanding the joke presented in this article, my last name is actually "Kolodziej.")

Telemarketer: Hi...may I speak to Joseph K...ka..kaoo..ckuk kuk kulk KOO! Koochek! Joseph Koochipeck!

Me:...

Telemarketer: Hi...Mr...Koochikaookuk?

Me:...

Telemarketer: (Silence, then breath, then pause that sounds like a hang up but determination takes over instead) Mr. Koobalooneck...hello yes, (they pick up speed in order to rush through the blazing fire with their courage and gaul). MR. KOLOD...(coming close!) MRS.'S KALOADSPEC, we are offering a normally unattainable deal today with our newspaper and, if you subscribe now,--

Me:(I interject) I am not a woman.

Telemarketer:...

Me:...

Telemarketer:...Mr. Backalshack...we are offering--

Me: You were coming close to saying my name correctly before but then you started addressing me as if I were a woman and I know I'm a man.

Telemarketer:...

Me: Look, uh okay...let me uh...who is this? What are you actually offering? You haven't...I mean...I want to feel comfortable with listening to your offer but, I feel more secure about when I'm being addressed by my proper gender and you're not changing shuffling the vowels in my name so often. I mean, I know it's hard to prounounce but...I just...I need to go do a few things soon so, what is this phone call about?

Telemarketer: Mr. Bicflojay...--

Me: No..Uh..ah..go head..

Telemarketer: Firstly, Mr. Kobolchex, I'm sorry It took me this long to say your name correctly...

Me: Don't...yeah, okay...UH...what's your name again?

Telemarketer: My name is Ann, sir.

Me:...

Telemarketer: We're offering a discounted 24 month subscription to--

Me:...I don't mind that you called me, I understand you're doing your job but, I did have my number on that national no-call setup thing so what, uh...you know...? I mean...one thing I never do is hang up on solicitation calls because I know that isn't polite. Even when I'm frustrated I hang with it for the sake of the other person.

Telemarketer: I understand sir and thank you. Now regarding your question about the no-call list... if you registered before 2006 and after registered after 2005 it's federally permissible under commercial exchange laws to inhibit economic growth through the agreement of legal contracts which void out understandable things, which in then turn--

Me: Alright. What are you offering?

Telemarketer:...Yes, Mister Columbochex--

Me: Ann...

Telemarketer: Yes, Mister Caloo-

Me: I need to go to change my name at the City Hall. Normally I wouldn't rush off for something unimportant like sleep or food but, I was on my there, getting my stuff together and all when you first called and now I need to go while they are still open and stuff.

Telemarketer: But, Mr. Kriffdoppel...this--

Me: (Reluctantly Hangs up)