Demetri Martin Quotes & Videos From A Stand Up Comic Genius

1) The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing somebody's cast. "You're a $#@!! You deserved this!

2) I think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

3) I wanna buy a bunch of hermit crabs and make them live together

4) Glitter is the herpes of craft supplies

5) Hiking is just walking where it’s ok to pee

6) When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults

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