I live with depression. Some days are better than others, most of the time I am doing great.

When I forget to check in with myself, is usually when I lose control of the depth of my depression. I am too busy taking care of the kids and the household and the bills and the food and…that I forget to stop and look at me. When no one else is checking in with me to see how I am doing, and I forget to check; I fall.

It scares me to fall as deeply as I did. I have my safety nets, I know who I can call for help, but am I able to pick up the phone? That frightens me. I have to check in with myself more often.

I know I love my life and my family and when the thoughts creep in that tell me otherwise, I know I have fallen too far. I fell far last week and it hurt.

I had not taken personal inventory of myself for months. My husband needed extra attention; my job demanded extra attention and everything I had within me to give went to my kids. I did this routine for months. I was so busy giving to others in my home and then I went to work and gave some more.

It sounds selfish, but I forgot to take back from either aspect of my life. I crashed.

I stopped eating, I stopped laughing and I stopped being able to give. My ability to want to write went away. When I closed my eyes all I saw was a deep darkness. It scared me to close my eyes. I knew I didn't want to feel this bad, I knew it was out of place for me to be so sad. I slept.

I'm not supposed to be this sad, I have a great life. I am not use to talking about when I feel this sad. I like to believe I am too strong now to fall again. I like to feel that I can take care of everything and everyone, and if I need attention, it will come later.

I forgot to notice it was later.

So, I took a day for me to just sit and be. I talked to those that love me, I let them take care of me, and even though it felt very out of place for me to just sit still…I stayed in one spot and let life happen all around me.

I am much better today and am so very glad I remember always, I love my life. Even when it gets too much for me at times; I am very thankful for what I have.