Desperately Seeking Susan... Online | A Men’s Guide to Successful Online Dating

art by Billy Stapleton

If you’re one of the 2.5 million American’s who are seeking the perfect mate online, you’re not alone. Internet dating, which was once considered to be a desperate way to meet that certain someone, has become the recommended way to connect with other singles for many men and women. So, don’t be ashamed, it’s ok to look for love via the internet now, but some of you are going about it all wrong.

Before I proceed with my tips and tricks on how to get a date, I will first give you an idea of my expertise on the subject. I began dating women I met online in 1992, before the internet as we know it even existed. Since then I have dated well over 100 women, had two long term relationships, and married two of the women I met online. This is not to say my success rate was anywhere near a 100% and I have had my fair share of rejection, but through trial and error, I managed to have a 45% success rate in getting women to, at the very least, meet me.

The vast landscape of cyber dating can be overwhelming. Before you place an ad, ask yourself these questions: What am I looking for? What can I offer to a potential mate? Am I really ready to meet someone?

Identifying your wants will make it easier to decide which type of site to place your ad on. Examples: if you are just looking to meet some people to date, try a free site like www.matchdoctor.com. If you’re just looking for sex, there are sites such as www.alt.com which will hook you up with others looking for a casual encounter. If you want to meet someone for a serious long term relationship, www.chemistry.com or www.match.com have other singles that are as serious about finding a potential spouse as you are.

Having outside interests will greatly increase your chances in landing dates. If all you do is work, play video games, hang out at the local pub, or chat online, you are less likely to find success with the opposite sex. If you fall into this category, take a class, join a group or take up an activity outside your apartment. In other words, become interesting.

Having baggage from a past relationship will sabotage any date you land. There is nothing worse than sitting across from someone while they talk about their ex; I’ve been guilty of this on more than one occasion. If you are newly single, take a little time off from dating to heal.

Here are my tips to success:

The Ad

The ad must capture your reader’s interest. A poorly written ad can decrease the chances of getting a date even if you look like a GQ model.

Keep your ad brief. People have many choices and will most likely only read the first 5 to 7 lines before moving on to the next one, so make those first sentences pop out.

Don’t be predictable. Ads containing long walks on the beach, candle light, wine and cuddling are contrived and ultimately don’t work.

Share your interests. If you are looking for someone who shares some of the activities as you, then list them.

Do not put what you are not looking for in your ad. Placing limits upfront will ultimately alienate some potentially great options.

Responding

Responding to ads is a necessary evil and must be done with as much attention to detail as placing one.

Keep it brief. Do not write a four paragraph letter when responding; it looks like a form letter and that you have too much time on your hands. Limit your response to two or three lines max.

Do not repeat what is your ad. If you catch their interest, they will read your bio.

Never reply to an ad more than once. If they weren’t interested the first time, they definitely won’t be the second time.

Know your limits, but don’t be intimidated. If you have absolutely nothing in common with a woman online, don’t bother contacting her. But remember, it is a numbers game and the more ads you respond to, the better your chances will be.

The Photo

The photo is probably the most important part of the ad. Daters can decide whether to respond to an ad solely based on the picture you choose.

Place a newer and clear photo of yourself. If you don’t look the way you did 5 or 10 years ago, the first meeting will disappoint the person who took you at face value.

Stay away from posting ads which contain your car, motorcycle or boat. And for god sakes, never post a picture of you with an ex.

Do not post a webcam photo as the cam has certain connotations which might give people the wrong idea about your motives.

Chatting

IMing has all but replaced the phone in the new millennium, but knowing how to IM successfully will make or break your chances of landing that all important first date.

Knowing how to spell is huge plus. You may be engaging and entertaining, but if you misspell even two words, your IM personality takes an immediate back seat to your intelligence level.

Ask questions. Everyone likes to talk about themselves, so be interested in their lives rather then dominating the conversation about you.

Never, under any circumstances, offer to webcam during a first chat. Many women have accepted an invitation once only to be surprised by seeing their new friend’s bits and pieces and probably are not eager to chance it again.

Even if there is no break in the conversation, put a time limit on your IM session to leave them wanting more. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.

Tony Engelhart is a featured writer for Xomba.com. Read the rest of his work here .