dyeing to be beautiful

sometimes i wonder...

is it really worth the pain?

...the hurt?

sometimes i believe that it is...But mostly, i am just really scared!

...scared that NO ONE will ever love me...

...scared that i will never be "good enough"...

scared to live...

...scared of myself

Annorexia has become me...

i know longer know...

who i am...

this is lost...this is alone...this is shame...this is sadness...this is despair...

i am no longer in control...

it is all a lie

i lost my friends

i lost my family

i lost myself

i hurt the people who i love...

because they just don't take the time to understand...

i can't eat

i can't sleep

all i can do anymore is cry...

...and cry

...and cry

and wish for it all to end

...Do you know what it is like to hate yourself?

...to feel trapped in your own body?

i just want someone to love me...

and make the hurting stop...

i feel ...

worthless

stupid

and

fat

i wish i knew what happiness felt like...

...how do i learn to love myself?

...how do i learn to care?

will i ever be good enough?

i want to fade away...