People perform below their potential, not because they have problems, but because people are not comfortable talking about the problems as they feel it is emotionally or politically risky. Unfortunately, while people are perfectly capable of discussing insignificant matters with a lot of patience and common sense, when it comes to crucial conversations, they become emotional in communication.

This is attributed to the emotions that accompany the communication or conversation. It has been scientifically demonstrated that when emotions run strong, the part of the brain controlling higher reasoning shuts down, Which is a terrible tragedy because that is when you need it the most.

The second reason why people fail at crucial conversations is simply because they lack the skills required to hold one. But even before you know how to conduct yourself in such a conversation, it is important to realise that you are in the middle of one. The dead giveaways are that it typically would be a high-stakes issue, with conflicting opinions and emotions running high. Once people are aware that these are emotionally challenging, pivotal moments that define the quality of their lives and learn to recognise that they are in one, it would automatically help them approach the conversation in a different manner, and control emotions in communication.
While most conversations start out in a fairly harmless manner, it’s often possible to pinpoint a particular remark that turns it hostile. Even making a mental note that the tone of the conversation has changed and accordingly paying more attention to our responses can affect the outcome. When confronted with a tricky situation, most people tend to get defensive and blow up. If they are in a position of power or simply go silent because they feel that they are not being respected. This is the biggest mistake people make — reacting with silence or violence.
There is a third way of honestly discussing opinions in a respectful manner. Controlling emotions in communication. Once you’ve identified that you are in a crucial conversation, it’s time to pull out a few tools that will help you handle it in a proper manner.

The first is ‘Mastering Your Story’. If a colleague is late in handing over the data you need for a report, you are more likely to get angry because you think he is doing it either because he doesn’t respect you or to spite you, more than the fact that you got the data late. This is because the emotions come not from the problem you are experiencing, but the story you are telling yourself about the other person.

Very often, people stumble in a crucial conversation because they get caught up in their own emotions. Instead, by isolating the reason for your anger and becoming aware of your ‘story’, you are in a better position to return control to the cognitive areas of the brain and handle the situation better. It’s hard to keep emotions completely out, but it is possible to soften them a bit by becoming more aware of the situation, thereby improving your communication.

Any crucial conversation will be made up of two people, if not more. The tricky part is managing the other person, who may be reacting aggressively and is not open to listening to your point of view. People become emotionally aroused when they feel threatened. If you can make it safe for them, they will be more open to having a calm conversation(better communication). If not, then its best to reconvene the discussion after a small break.
This means convincing the other person that you are raising the issue because you are concerned about the bigger picture and final outcomes, and not just your role in the scheme of things.

To control emotions in communication it is necessary to find a ‘Mutual Purpose’ that you both share, like achieving a certain business objective, and let the other person know that you respect their point of view. It is important to know the effectiveness and the importance of calming the other person down, and perhaps even getting them to see things from your perspective, while managing to keep your emotions in communication under check through it all.
One of the areas where most people tend to fare poorly is when it comes to decision making. Most decisions are reached in one of four ways: by command, consensus, consultation and vote. As a result, if people are asked for their opinion and the final decision does not reflect this, they tend to feel manipulated and are unlikely to state their viewpoint the next time around. To avoid this it should first be made clear how the final decision will be taken, so that the rest of the team also knows what to expect from it.
Emotions in Communication play vital role in effective conversations in life, because people need to realise just how many different results in their life — the quality of their relationship with their spouse, friends, coworkers, and an organisation’s performance — depend on people’s ability to talk to each other.