There is an evil plot afoot, funded by a small minority of 20% of Americans.
Some parts of this plot are well known. For Instance, It is well known that the Evil Atheists have a series of satellites circling the globe beaming down mind rays that can penetrate tin foil and stop children from praying in schools.
It is also known that the Evil Atheists have shipped drugs to zoos around the world that will turn 10% of penguins gay. They do this to promote Gay Marriage, as children see Gay Penguins coupled together as normal, they will then think seeing two men in tuxedos coupled together is normal as well. Even though the bible clearly states that homosexuality is almost as bad as eating shrimp.
They have also traveled back in time and written into the Constitution that “…no religious Test shall ever be required as a Qualification to any Office or public Trust under the United States.” By traveling back in time and putting that into the Constitution they are setting up an evil plot to get Atheists into government.
They have already started this process by getting first Catholics and then Jews elected into to Government. They have even infiltrated the Supreme Court and got them claim that the Constitution would allow Atheists to hold public offices just because they are qualified and received the majority of the vote.
Of course everyone knows how the Evil Atheists have taken over the nations schools and are brainwashing kids about things like “Gravity”. After all “Gravity” is merely a theory and not a fact. Yet all children are required to learn about it and aren’t presented with alternatives like Intelligent Grappling.
But even worse than teaching about Gravity and other mere theories, there is a whole branch of teaching that goes against our Protestant values. That is known as math.
Under this “Math” idea there are two things when taken together is used to undermine our good Protestant values, and that is addition and statistics.
Under this “Math” idea someone could look at the polls saying that the United States is 20% Atheist/Agnostic, 23% Catholic, 2% Jewish, 2% Unitarian, and 5% other and add them up and come to the ridiculous conclusion that the United States doesn’t have a Protestant Majority.
Every Protestant knows this isn’t true, so the whole concept of “Math” must be false.