Explaining aging and death to children takes every bit of compassion a parent can muster. We have taught our children to recognize the adults in their lives as a constant source of comfort. Parents and grandparents provide guiding hands every day. When a beloved grandparent begins to noticeably age or becomes sick, many children are left bewildered by the difference. It's mom and dad's job to help children understand these sometimes painfully sad changes.

No one has a crystal ball to predict the future. If we did, no parent would be broadsided by questions that arise when their own parents become older. Preparing children long before their grandparents become sick is the optimum way to handle the situation. Of course, that's not always an option. Whether explaining ahead of time or in a crisis, both require the same care of a child's tender feelings.

Excluding a crisis, choosing the time for this discussion is important. Dropping this bomb isn't a bedtime or after-school topic. Try to choose a time when your child is relaxed and not distracted by television, games, or a play-date with friends. Start by talking about your child's friend who has a sick grandparent or who lost her grandmother or grandfather. You can also discuss the loss of your own grandparents. Relate your own childhood memories and your own feelings as your grandparents aged. Remind your child that aging and its associated illnesses are part of life and nothing to fear. You might throw in funny stories of your own grandparents. Or pass on some "famous" family saying from your own grandmother. This rich history comforts children and also let's them know mom and dad had deep feelings for someone who died. It provides the perfect avenue to broach the topic of your own parent's health.

A health crisis makes the discussion of death and dying much more immediate to a child, especially if the family is grieving. Showing these emotions won't harm a child, but they definitely require an explanation. Give your child the details in easy-to-understand terms. If grandma has breast cancer, explain every nuance that seems appropriate for the child's age level. Let your child visit her in the hospital and accompany her for doctor visits. Knowledge about an illness removes the fear for a child. Keeping them informed as an illness progresses empowers them to accept that yes, it's out of their control. And you just might be surprised at the strength and comfort you receive from your own little one.

"Why" is what matters to a child. So when grandpa can't mow his own lawn anymore, your child will want to know why. When grandma can't drive anymore, you child will want to know why. Answer these questions truthfully. Explain how our bodies change as we grow older; eyesight becomes less sharp, "bones ache," and older folks just can't quite keep up with the young ones anymore. Build an emotional identification between grandparents and children that is rooted in compassion. Not only does it allow your child to grow emotionally, but it lets the relationship between your child and elderly parents grow in a different way too.

Discussing the connection between grandparents and grandchildren helps reinforce the connection kids feel with their loved ones. This is a special relationship that's rich in learning and commitment. It's a joyful relationship that should be nurtured as long as possible. Planting the seeds of your child's compassion for their grandparents will help them cope with the eventual loss.