In the U.S. we've heard the presidential candidates talk about every important issue under the Sun, from foreign policy to wardrobe spending, lapel pins, and friendship with plumbers. But where do McCain and Obama stand on that little-addressed issue that no one dares speak about in public, much less at a presidential debate... I speak of the topic of farting.

A recent xombyte got me thinking about this vital issue. So where do the candidates stand? Neither candidate nor their running mates have seen fit to speak out on the issue of flatulence, so I'll bring up a few points myself and see if I can shed some light on the subject.

Both McCain and Obama say they are concerned about global warming, and farts release methane, a greenhouse gas that is said to be 20 times more efficient at destroying ozone than carbon dioxide. So I'm guessing that both candidates would be in favor of some policy to limit the outgassing of noxious intestinal fumes.

Maybe instead of cutting our carbon footprint we should be buying ourselves butt plugs? Understandably, neither candidate has spoken out on such a topic, since government-mandated butt plugs would be seen by some as needless interference in a sensitive personal matter.

What about the etiquette of farting ... when is it acceptable, and when is it trampling on the rights (and sense of smell) of others? With the U.S. facing an obesity crisis and the growing popularity of bean-rich Mexican food, flatulence could well be the campaign issue of the future. Toss in the global-warming angle, and you've got a national security crisis.

Both politicians want to avoid terrorists gaining control of WMD (weapons of mass destruction), but what about terrorists armed with SBD (silent but deadly farts)? Think about it... a small cell of terrorists armed with nothing more than stopwatches and Taco Bell burritos could set off a coordinated attack of simultaneous SBDs that would make no noise but would have an immediate olfactory impact, bringing all persons within range to a standstill.

Sadly, the time to address farting has passed, so to speak, for this election campaign. But I would hope that the winning candidate will make farting and fart awareness a priority in his new administration.