Here I sit, with this feeling of restlessness, something telling me to create, to release, to do something. Do what? I ask. No reply. So, here I sit, feeling the urge to do something, but not knowing what that something is. Silence my mind, my thoughts, my inner chatter, listen… do I hear it? Do I understand it? What is this urge to do something? What is this something I am to do?

Open my laptop, turn it on, login, open Word and just start typing. Release this “something” confusion, write; write whatever comes to mind. Let my fingers release this urge to do something, let the energy flow outward instead of bottling the energy inward. Aaah, a bit of relaxation is coming over me now. I still feel the urge to do something, but the urge is relaxing. The immediate need for action is diminishing, my body, my mind are calming. This feels good, release.

Have you ever felt this way? I have been feeling this way for about a week. At first, I thought it was PMS, for all you women out there you probably are agreeing with me, but then, the “P” MS is over and I find myself suffering from During and After MS. Oh the frustration of the hormones! I feel so out of balance about every six months, so I not only have the menstrual cycle, but the mental cycle to deal with.

Bi-polar some would say, but I have this thing about labeling everything in life with a mental disorder and find myself looking more in the spiritual disorder direction. I think that the social labels of today are more harmful and tend to lead to excuses and justification of negative energy or behavior. I prefer the pro-active role of digging deep inside, identifying the “out of balance” and finding ways in my everyday life that will help balance. Sometimes all it takes is quiet time; time to reflect on what has past, what is present and dream about what will come. Sometimes, it is a feeling of urgency that I must not just think, but I must act. It could be the need for more physical exercise, more watchful eating habits or a need for an attitude adjustment that have me going in the mindless circle of the urgent need to achieve… without knowing what I am needing to achieve. Frustration can then set in and the urgency becomes stronger. Round and round my mind goes, where it stops, only my spirit knows.

These are the feelings that have in the past years have lead me to search for what will help me ease these urgent calls to action. I tried the Christian faith, only to find myself so obsessed with the teachings of the fear of God, that my life became stunted. I looked into Wicca, but although I agreed with the beliefs, I am not one for rituals. I looked into Kabala, again, I agreed with the principles of it but the rituals just turned me off. I even read the book “The Secret”, but found that it too was based on rituals and rules of how to be a believer, not to mention the stories of this person did this and then followed this and their life was miraculously turned around and they became rich, found true love, etc. I just don’t feel, in the depths of my body, spirit, or soul, that I must follow rules to believe in a greater power, a God, a universe of goodwill.

I found that religions or belief systems were a way of people to excuse certain behaviors and acts as not their fault or doing, that some higher power “made” these things happen for a reason or the higher power will fix it all, just pray, chant, meditate, it will all work out. For me, I feel that these things are beneficial, but as the saying goes, “You can’t help those who will not help themselves.”

Why can’t we have faith or a spiritual belief that does not require rituals? I mean all religions teach the same basic morals: Treat others as you would want to be treated, be kind, loving and forgiving, do not lie, cheat or deceive, etc. Why must we then attach rules of rituals to some unknown entity to enforce the behavior of love? Why can we not just love and feel good about it? Why must we prove our love by performing rituals? If we could just be kind to one another and be able to freely give and receive love and kindness without having to show proof by ritual, or for that matter labeling our behavior as a system, wouldn’t love be more abundant and obvious to all?

Anyway, back to finding my balance in this chaotic mind of urgency. I know there is something out there that is calling me, urging me to find “it”; I just don’t know what “it” is. That is why I have searched and read so many different belief systems, trying to find what will calm my inner turmoil, my need to grasp a higher meaning of life other than going to work, pay the bills and die. I stumbled upon a book by Sonia Choquette titled, “True Balance – A Commensense Guide for Renewing Your Spirit”. I must say, I like it, I agree with it and it incorporates all the beliefs I agree with in religions, The Law of Attraction and basic life harmony. It is a down to earth, no ritual required, reality based book that makes sense without the promise of riches, true love, or ever-lasting life This is a realty based book on how to stay balanced in your own body, mind and spirit in your life now, not after you die and without having to prove by ritual or proclamation of following an unknown entity that you are striving to achieve giving and receiving love and goodwill to mankind.

My urgent call of “do something” has now subsided. Writing this has taken me 15 minutes and I am now relaxed. So, while I woke this morning with the urge to achieve, I tried to calm myself with mindless computer games and designing a door hanger for advertising our business, I eventually found myself reading this book. Upon reading, this urge became so powerful that I created this article. The chapter I was reading that created this “urgent call to action” was on expression. I guess I just needed to express myself!

In closing, if any of you ever feel this need of finding “it”, I highly recommend this book. It is not an overnight success story nor a promise of “happy ever after”, but a guide to help you in this life to give and receive balance within yourself and others.

Have a happy day!
MJ

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