First Ever Self-Centered TV Power Rankings!

There are only a few good shows on television right now, and in my self-involved mind I watch each and every one of them. And since everything seems to be ranked these days, I now present the first ever television power rankings featuring shows that, you guessed it, I watch and therefore you should too.

As always, rankings are based on several criteria, including:

1) Acting and plot lines. Yes, they are important to me
2) The “have a drink factor.” Would you want to hang with the characters?
3) Ladies. ‘Nuff said
4) Future possibilities. Is the show going anywhere?

And since I’ve been unemployed for some time, I thought it appropriate to add rankings for shows on daytime TV. These, in particular, are best watched while wearing sweats and not worrying about your dwindling bank account or lack of health insurance.

Primetime!

24
Ask me who I would rather buy a drink for, James Bond or Jack Bauer, I would have to give it some serious debate. Yet another season of twists, turns and terrorists, and it doesn’t matter because the show is just that good week to week. The most underrated cool-guy on the show: Bill Buchanan, who, with his wife 3,000 miles away in Washington, deserves to go home after the current “day,” sit down with a glass of Macallan 18 and call in his favorite escort.

The Daily Show
No babes, but who cares. Easily the smartest show on television, and if the politicians, celebrities and/or media members and outlets they make fun of on a nightly basis actually watched it, the world of television would be better off.

House
Hard to believe that this show keeps steaming along considering the lack of strong supporting characters and any serious or long-lasting plot lines that involve the outside lives of House. I find the show to be brilliant. Hugh Laurie is fantastic and his sarcasm isn’t growing tired. Oh to be that bitter and smart and the same time. I’ve got one of those covered. And if you’re reading this, you should have already guessed that it’s bitter.

Lost
I was really down on this show a few weeks back when they decided to dedicate an entire episode to two cursory characters with a clichéd back-story. They were buried alive. Good. Turns out I almost buried the show alive, as well. I was placing way too high of expectations on it every week and wasn’t able to sit back and let the show happen like I do 24. No more. By the way, I love the introduction of Juliet, easily the hottest female on the show.

Law & Order: SVU
Ice-T and Richard Belzer as cops, need I say more? Would like a hotter district attorney, though. Has Tiffani Thiessen taken any law acting classes?

CSI: Miami
Pure fun and nothing more. The acting is all over-acting. They do that on purpose, right? David Caruso’s mannerisms alone are worth the hour of my time. Throw in the fact that it’s set in Miami and two easy-on-the-eyes CSIs are involved, and it’s all good.

Criminal Minds
A nicely produced crime drama that separates itself from Law & Order-type plots by focusing on criminal profiling and criminal psychology. Very smart. Maybe in the coming weeks those FBI shrinks will figure out why I believe vodka to be my best friend.

Heroes
When the hell is this show coming back and did we really need a second hiatus in one season?

How I Met Your Mother
This show’s been a wreck since its first season. It’s pure crap right now. The writing sucks; it’s made the characters – sans Neil Patrick Harris, and his Barney isn’t that cool anymore –all tools. But I can’t keep from not watching the show. I can’t turn away, not now. There’s a shortage of legitimately funny shows on in prime time right now and it was a breath of fresh air last year. But, the show saw fit to create a story line that connects Robin and Ted. Didn’t Friends teach us anything??

To be included in the rankings, when they return next season:
Nip/Tuck
Prison Break
Rescue Me

Daytime!

Saved by the Bell
Four episodes daily! God bless unemployment. Tiffani Thiessen: why haven’t you called me??

Pardon the Interruption
The first and still the best of the sports debate shows with the on-screen topic ticker. As good as Around the Horn is mind-bogglingly atrocious.

Cold Pizza
ESPN2’s morning show. Very watchable. Beats having my breakfast watching The View. Nice banter between hosts and guests. Hell, it’s even made me like Skip Bayless a little.