Funny Christmas Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o Why was Cinderella such a poor football player?
Because she kept running away from the ball

o What's a child's favorite king at Christmas?
a stocking

o What did the cow say on Christmas morning?
mooooooey Christmas

o What did Mary Popins want from Santa?
superclausefragilisticexpiallisnowshoes

o What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Sandy Claws.

o Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

o What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

o Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

o What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

o What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

Funny Christmas Joke #2:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

o Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!

o What was so good about the neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
It was wound up already.

o What do you get if you cross Raquel Welch and Santa Claus?
A thank you card from Santa.

o Why does Santa wear pink underwear?
He's a man. He did all his laundry in the one load.

o What do you call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.

o Why did Santa Claus take his Christmas tree to the dentist?
To get a root canal.

o Why did Santa spell Christmas N-O-E?
Because the angel had said, “No L!"

o Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
He was feeling crummy.

o Why does Santa's sled get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side.

Funny Christmas Joke #3:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?
Because every buck is dear to him.

o Why is Christmas just like a day at the office ?
You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

o Why is it so cold on Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrrrrrrr!

o Why is the month of December so popular?
It has a lot of dates.

o Two brothers were walking home from Sunday school, each deep in his own thoughts...
Finally, one boy said, “What do think about all that devil stuff we learned to day?”

The other replied thoughtfully, “Well you know how Santa Claus turned out!”

Funny Christmas Joke #4:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.
Then one day she floored her grandmother by asking,
”Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus? The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”

o What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Forty feet of track - all straight!

o What's brown and sweet and glides around an ice rink?
Bourneville and Dean

o What's a specimen?
An Italian astronaut

o What do you call a short sighted dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saw-us!

o What do you call a man with brown paper trousers?
Russell

o What do you call a man with a pole through his leg?
Rodney

o Why would you invite a mushroom to a Christmas party?
He's a fun guy to be with.

o Why was Santa's little helper feeling depressed?
He had low elf-esteem.

o Who was England's first chiropodist?
William the Corncurer

Funny Christmas Joke #5:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o Why should husbands make the early morning tea for their wives?
Because the Bible says He Brews

o What's the longest word in the English language?
Smiles, because there is a "mile" between the first and the last letters.

o What is Santa's favorite pizza?
One that's deep pan, crisp and even.

o On which side do chickens have the most feathers?
The outside.

o What kind of paper likes music?
(W)rapping paper.

o What's white and goes up?
A confused snowflake.

o What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?
Annette.

o Did you hear about the man who bought a paper shop?
It blew away.

o What's furry and minty?
A polo bear.

o How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle.

o Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy.

o What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost.

Funny Christmas Joke #6:
(Contributed by anonymous)

A beautiful innocent young girl wants to meet Santa Claus so she puts on a robe and stays up late on Christmas Eve.

Santa arrives, climbs down the chimney, and begins filling the socks.

He is about to leave when the girl, who happens to be a gorgeous redhead, says in a sexy voice...
"Oh Santa, please stay. Keep the chill away."

Santa replies...
"HO HO HO, Gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

The girl drops the robe to reveal a sexy bra and panties and says in an even sexier voice...
"Oh Santa, don't run a mile; just stay for a while..."

Santa begins to sweat but replies...
"HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

The girl takes off her bra and says...
"Oh Santa... Please... Stay."

Santa wipes his brow but replies...
"HO HO HO, gotta go, gotta go. Gotta get the presents to the children, you know."

She loses the panties and says...
"Oh Santa... Please... Stay...."

Santa, with sweat pouring off his brow, says...
"HEY HEY HEY, Gotta stay, Gotta stay! Can't get up the chimney with my pecker this way!!!”

Funny Christmas Joke #7:
(Contributed by anonymous)

o What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Sandy Claws.

o Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

o What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

o What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Sandy Claws.

o Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can ho-ho-ho.

o What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

o Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.

o What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Ribbon hood.

o What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Claustrophobic.

o What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes.

o Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?
She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!

o What was so good about her neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
It was wound up already.

Funny Christmas Joke #8:
(Contributed by anonymous)

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.

"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...

I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO...

I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..."

His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said...
"Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."

To which the little brother replied...
"No, but Grandma is!"

Here are related link to other funny Christmas cartoons
- AsianBrainCartoons