Funny Golf Joke #1:
(Contributed by anonymous)

Four married guys go golfing. While playing the 4th hole, the following conversation took place:

1st Guy...
"You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out golfing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend."

2nd Guy...
"That's nothing; I had to promise my wife I will build a new deck for the pool."

3rd Guy...
"Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife I will remodel the kitchen for her.

They continued to play the hole when they realized that the 4th guy hadn't said anything. So they asked him...

"You haven't said anything about what you had to-do to be able to come golfing this weekend. What's the deal?"

4th guy...
"I just set my alarm for 5:30 a.m. and when it went off, I shut off the alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, 'golf course or intercourse?'

And she said, "Wear your sweater".

Funny Golf Joke #2:
(Contributed by anonymous)

Two Scots, Robby and Angus are playing golf and come upon a water hole.

Robby tees up and hits it into the middle of the pond. He reaches into his bag to find that he is out of balls. He then asks Angus for a ball and proceeds to hit it into the pond as well.

This goes on for 3 or 4 more times and when he asks Angus for yet another ball, Angus says...
"Robby, these balls cost me a pretty penny,"

Robby replies...
"Ochs!, Angus if you cannee (can’t) afford to play the game, ya (you) should nee (not) be out here."

***

A fellow comes home after his regular Saturday golf game and his wife asks why he doesn't include Tom O'Brien in the games anymore. The husband asks...

"Would you want to play with a guy who regularly cheats, swears up a storm over everything, lies about his score, and has nothing good to say about anyone else on the course?"

"Of course I wouldn't," replies the wife.

"Well," says the husband...
"Neither would Tom O'Brien."

***

Three men are in a bar, all very drunk, and talking to each other, bragging about their families.

The first guy says...
"I have four sons. One more and I'll have a basketball team."

The second guy says...
"That's nothing'. I have eleven sons. One more and I'll have a football team."

The third guy, the drunkest of them all replies...
"You guys haven't found true happiness. I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course."

Funny Golf Joke #3:
(Contributed by anonymous)

Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3.

After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin.

A fan in the crowd said...
"Mr. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?"

Mr. Palmer replied... "Do you own a 3 iron?"

The fan said... "Yes, sir I do."

"How far do you hit it?" said Palmer.

“About 160 yards” was his reply.

Palmer calmly said...
"What the hell do you want it to back up for?"

***

Two friends were playing golf one day.

They decided that they would adhere strictly to the rules with no improving their lie. After a few holes, one guy's ball landed on a cart path.

As he reached down to pick up his ball to get relief his friend said...
"We agreed that we would not improve our lie."

No matter how much the first fellow tried to explain that he was entitled to this relief, the second fellow would not allow it. So the man went to the cart to get a club.

As he stood over the ball he took a few practice swings, each time scraping the club on the pavement, taking out big chunks of blacktop and sending out lots of sparks!

Finally, after several practice swings he took his shot. The ball took off and landed on the green about 6 feet from the pin.

"Great shot!" his friend exclaimed. "What club did you use?"

"YOUR 7-iron!" he replied.

Funny Golf Joke #4:
(Contributed by anonymous)

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the crotch. Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.

As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor. He said...
"How bad is it doc?. I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancée is still a virgin in every way."

The doctor told him...
"I'll have to put your penis in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."

So he took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided bandage, and wired it all together; an impressive work of art. The guy mentions none of this to his girl marries and goes on their honeymoon.

That night in the motel room she rips open her blouse to reveal a gorgeous set of breasts. This was the first time he saw them.

She said...
"You're the first; no one has ever touched these breasts."

He immediately drops his pants and replies.
"Look at this, it's still in the CRATE!"

Funny Golf Joke #5:
(Contributed by anonymous)

This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, dies tragically in a car crash. They have been in good health the last ten years, mainly due to the wife's nearly neurotic interest in health food.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite, complete with Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed' the old man asked St. Peter how much all this was going to cost.

"It's free," St. Peter replied, "Remember, this is Heaven."

Next they went out back to see the championship golf course the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked...

"What are the green fees?"

"This is Heaven," St. Peter replied. "You play for free."

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.

"How much to eat?" asked the old man.

"Don't you understand yet?" St. Peter asked. "This is Heaven. It's free!"

"Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol foods?" the old man asked timidly.

"That's the best part ... you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven."

The old man looked at his wife and said...

"You and your #@!%&~ bran muffins. I could have been here ten years ago!"

Here are related link to other funny Golf cartoons
o AsianBrainCartoons