Geraldo Interviews Mullah Omar
posted October 21, 2009 - 9:00pmnbsp; GERALDO INTERVIEWS MULLAH OMAR
Geraldo: Mullah Omar thank you for granting me this interview.
Omar: Yeah Yeah.
Geraldo: It wasn't easy getting here.
Omar: If an army was after you, would you want it to be easy? ( Dumb shit ).
Geraldo: I see what you mean ( rat bastard ).
Omar: Did you follow my directions?
Geraldo: Until they put the bag over my head.
Omar: I'm sure you understand ( who cares )?
Geraldo: You said a right after the third crater. Well there are more craters now (and there will be more ).
Omar: But with Allah's guidance you got here safely ( fucking American ).
Geraldo: I'm just not sure what you consider safe?
Omar: You're still breathing and you have all your limbs, don't you?
Geraldo: So far so good.
Omar: I wouldn't have it any other way ( die you pig ).
Geraldo: So tell me, how did life start for you ( like I really care ).
Omar: I will tell you everything ( he'll listen to anything ). My family was very poor. We couldn't get a place in the projects. Of course we didn't have welfare, so we lived in whatever cave was available.
Geraldo: How many of you were there?
Omar: If you give me a chance I'll tell you (can't he be quiet for a minute ).
Geraldo: Please continue ( dick head ).
Omar: Of course my father, mother myself and two sisters.
Geraldo: So there were five of you!
Omar: Yes (oh boy he can count ).
Geraldo: Please continue.
Omar: When I was born, I was the first child.My father was so happy to greet his first and oldest son.
Geraldo: I can relate to that.
Omar: (Who cares ) Then came Hasima, that was the following year. But her birth made my mother very ill. The next year Rabsha was born, this birth killed my mother.
Geraldo: I think I understand.
Omar: Just listen. ( man ). I'm told my father was never the same.
Geraldo: What do you mean by that?
Omar: ( He doesn't understand different? ) He hated women, women had killed his wife. In my ...alum this great country, women deliver the babies. Do you want a man looking at your wife naked or touching her in that HOLY PLACE?
Geraldo: Forget my wife, did your father teach you to hate women (Mullah Gay Man)?
Omar: I'm not married and I don't have kids. Does that tell you anything, I am a Muslim?
Geraldo: I thought you might be gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Omar: I will not answer that.
Geraldo: So what was life like as a child? ( Like I could give a shit ).
Omar: As a child living in a cave, there wasn't much food.
Geraldo: That's a bad childhood.
Omar: Would you please shut up, we were very lucky to have a GOAT! I remember her well. My father would say; " Life's love begins with Mothers Milk". We would drink the goats milk and my father would make us call the goat "MOTHER." I thought the goat was my mother until my father died. He was very old, about 32.
Geraldo: He was only 32?
Omar: Didn't I say that!
Geraldo: How old were you?
Omar: I was 16.
Geraldo: You thought your mother was a goat until you were 16?
Omar: You have a problem with that? (your mother must have been a pig ).
Geraldo: So tell me what happened then?
Omar: I had to support the family, I was THE man!
Geraldo: ( You're still not a man ) How did you do it?
Omar: First I stole a gun. Then everything became easier.
Geraldo: You became a thief ( and a killer ).
Omar: I was very good at it, it wasn't long before I was feared. I was like "Robin Hood".
Geraldo: He gave money to the poor!
Omar: Weren't my sisters and I poor?
Geraldo: I see ( goat boy ).
Omar: Then I found out people loved to follow people who talked religion. I began to study, but it was boring. So I changed it to the way I thought it should be, that was fun. Women were to be like dogs.
Geraldo : Like dogs? Isn't that a little harsh?
Omar: It is what they deserve, they killed my mother and ruined my family. But I love them, we are all Gods children.
Geraldo: You're speaking out of both sides of your mouth.
Omar: You don't have to understand. My people will follow anything I say, what else do they have?
Geraldo: They really don't have anything.
Omar: And that's the way it will stay, then they will continue to follow me. They must remain desperate.
Geraldo: ( You slime ball ). Please continue.
Omar: I decided I no longer wanted to look at women.
Geraldo: And you say you're not gay? Not that there's anything wrong with it.
Omar: Aren't you interested in anything else? ( Please help me Allah ).
Geraldo: ( I should bring in a goat ). First let me ask you how you got to be a Mullah? I can't read Arabic, but I see what looks like diplomas on the wall.
Omar: Yes they are.
Geraldo: Why are all the diplomas in the same handwriting and they aren't from a printer!
Omar: I wrote them myself.
Geraldo: You mean you never earned them? ( What a piece of crap ).
Omar: Why did I need to earn them. After all, I basically started a new religion. ( I am the closest thing to Allah ). Of course it's in my handwriting. Most of my people can't read, so I tell them what they say. They are so stupid they'll believe anything I tell them ( oops ).
Geraldo: What won't you lie about?
Omar: I can't hear you. The plane. The plane.
Geraldo: O.K. - O.K. So tell me what you changed?
Omar: Lets start with the men. Does that look like an army? Everyone looks the same, and we're not even communists. I made a joke! I always remember my mother.
Geraldo: You mean the Goat?
Omar: Yes. I mean, just listen. Notice all the men have their beards at the same length.
Geraldo: Isn't that the law?
Omar: Yes. But the reason is because that was the length of my mothers, err Goat's beard.
This took place before Mullah Omar was captured.
TO BE CONTINUED:
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