Due to the death of my television come this February, I have been watching an inordinate amount of programming lately before I get cut off for good.

I don’t plan on getting a converter box, a brand new digital television or digital cable. We just can’t spend the money right now on fluff and I know I can rely on my fellow writers and the internet to keep me posted on what’s going on in the world.

But this last month, I’ve noticed a trend in programming that I didn’t catch onto before. What is up with all of the British criticism upon which Americans seem to thrive?

For example, Gordon Ramsay, King of the Chefs Using F-words, tells us our cooking is disgusting on Hell’s Kitchen while spittle flies from the corners of his mouth. Mmmm, calling a contestant a piece of shite is super sexy with your Scottish brogue. YES, CHEF!

And Jo is the Super Nanny. We need her to come here from across the pond because we can’t control our children. I think it’s because the kids are hypnotized by her accent and the moment she leaves them back in the care of their parents, they go back to their unruly little selves.

Simon Cowell reminds contestants on American Idol every two minutes that no, they cannot sing at all and his dog could do better. But with that accent, the potential singers will take it up the arse because he comes off as so authoritative. Thank you, Simon, I will give up my dreams!

Nigel Lithgow tells us ever so eloquently how gangly and uncoordinated we are on So You Think You Can Dance.

And if that’s not enough, a new chap named Tim Roth knows when we lie! Lie To Me just started broadcasting because before this guy, nobody could figure out when Americans lied unless there was a polygraph involved.

And wasn’t there a lady who used to tell us we were the weakest link? And what about the GEICO lizard – is his cute come hither and buy my car insurance accent Australian or British?

Television network producers figured out that the British accent catches and keeps our attention. Then they realized that shows dealing with the beating down of people's dreams are best served British.

But then again, what would we do without the criticism? Well, we would probably all be horrible cooks with bratty children who can’t sing nor dance who could lie like there’s no tomorrow. Hmmm...