Here it is, almost 12:30 a.m., and my son is still awake. He's refusing to go to sleep, and he has school in the morning. I don't care how crappy he feels...he's going to school. Almost every night it's a fight at bedtime. I'm so sick and tired of it. Tomorrow, I'm taking the cable, his toys and his game systems. He will only be allowed to read or play games with me. There will be no more trips to Toys R Us or to Walmart. I can't afford this shit anymore.

Once again, I waited all day for Dave to call. He did call last night around midnight. He wanted to come out to see me. Of course I said yes. We made love, or had sex, or did the nasty...whichever term you'd like to use, for the first time in 18 years. It was wonderful. Ever since the first night I saw him since reconnecting, I knew I was still in love with him after all these years. I want to be with him so badly. I'm hoping he'll consider moving in with us after a few months. That's how strongly I feel about him. I just wish he felt as strongly about me too. My self-esteem is so bad that it's difficult for me not to reach out to him for reassurance. I need to do something for myself to raise my self-esteem. Maybe that will attract him. I'll do whatever I have to do. I want to be with him for a long time. He makes me happy.