Finding and keeping a significant other is often a topic of discussion. There are books on the market about finding a mate, attracting a member of the opposite sex, maintaining a healthy relationship, preventing affairs, and much more. Books like “Mars and Venus”, “Getting the Love You Want”, “His Needs, Her Needs” and much more sell thousands of copies a year. There are websites, and classes and Dr. Phil-style television programs. The list goes on and on. However, there isn’t much out there that addresses plain old-fashioned friendship. Are we supposed to assume that making a friend is the easy part? Even a show like Sex and the City that addressed relationships in every episode already had the fabulous foursome in place. So as I find myself in a new city where I have less friends than fingers, I find myself asking, “Just how does one go about making new friends?”

My friend Kate is fabulous in this department – she should write THE book on the subject. No matter where she finds herself, she always seems to surround herself with tons of friends – and not just any friends, but high-quality girlfriends that are there through thick and thin. Now I know having good friends means being a good friend; that part I think I can handle, but it’s the getting that I need help with.

I’ve always kind of fallen upon my friendships. As a child it is easy to make friends – the kid with the coolest sandbox toys or the pig-tailed girl sitting next to you on the bus becomes an instant bff. In middle school I made friends with classmates and teammates and the same was basically true in high school. Occasionally I branched out to a friend of a friend to expand the circle and such was life. In college I made friends with the people in my dorm and then occasionally with a class member. That was freshman year, but after that the branching out didn’t go much further. It seemed odd to me to all the sudden talk to a new person in class and all the sudden be heading out to a bar with them. In fact, my one friend Angela made this type of move Sophomore year and I didn’t quite know what was happening. She talked to me in French class about assignments and before I knew it assignment talk became more personal talk and the next thing I knew I was in her dorm room studying and talking about guys and music and movies. We became friends, but at first it always seemed kinda weird to me. And you know what? I’m not exactly sure why. By Junior year she was roommate number four in our four-gal apartment and after graduation I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. Apparently she knew a bit more about branching out than I did. After college most of my LA friends were misplaced UNCers. Friends outside of the UNC clan were usually only made if they lived in my apartment temporarily. I’m serious – Alison and Mandy are some of my newest best friends, but it literally took them taking up residence in my apartment before I felt calling them to chat wasn’t too weird.

Anyway, point is, I think I suck at this finding friends thing. Yesterday I went to get my hair done by my LA hairdresser. She was in NYC doing the hair of all her clients that have moved from LA to NYC. Now imagine that – here I am in a room filled with awesome 20-30 something girls who used to live in LA and now live here! And even more perfect, they all work in my industry. Talk about making great connections. We chatted and shared stories and had a great time, but like an awkward teenage boy asking for a girls number, I wasn’t really sure what to do or say when it came time for me to leave.

“It was nice meeting all of you.” “Have a good day.” One girl gave me her business card because I mentioned we should chat about a work connection. But that was it. For all I know I’ll never speak to any of them again. What a wasted chance. So making friends is my new challenge. One that I look forward to and feel capable of handling…I’m just not quite sure where to start.