Infatuation grows…

A story about an infatuated teenager…

Review:-
Mica is an average teenage girl who lives for adventure and freedom, she is 17 years old, she comes from a very unusual life, she always seems to fall head over heels for the wrong kind. Love is her weakness and so the fantasies continue…

She has a deep desire for two potential lovers, they both keep her world alive… but which one wins to keep their place in her mind.

Chapter One~

I live everyday in my love fascinating tale, it never comes to an end, which why I live it everyday, because reality always has an end to it.

It was Tuesday morning and I had to get up for college, I’m always late for lesson because of my own mystery world of anything is possible, opens up.

“Mica!” shouts her mum.

“Mum, I’m getting ready, leave me alone!”

“Alicia…”

“Yes Mica?”

“Can I borrow your cool red top?, I can’t find anything to wear today.” I begged.

“Will I get it back?” Alicia replied.

“Of course you will, it’s just for today, red makes me feel good about myself.”

“Oh go on then, you are my sister aren’t you?, but it’s a size 8 though, your like size 10.”

“I know, but it’s one of them stretchy tops so they don’t really make a difference.”
I went into my bedroom, tried on the nice red top, I pulled on my sequin jeans, they make me feel great, I looked into the mirror and gazed at myself, I repeated several times a phrase that will get me through another day,

‘Today I will impress those around me,
I will meet someone who will love me for me,
The flirting I may provide will make them realise something,
No longer will I live in a fantasy, I will find true love in reality,
Today I will impress those around me…’

I quickly headed to the bathroom to get washed e.g.
Then I raced down the stairs to have some breakfast, “oh yum, coco pops, they’re so the best, especially because I’m a chocoholic, even better, mm tasty.”

“Do you fancy someone?” Alicia called out while we were eating breakfast.

“What makes you say that?” I curiously asked,

“Well, your dressing up to impress someone right?…I mean you have your makeup all glam and different to how you have it on a Saturday.”

“Hey, it’s college I like to look my best, that’s all.” I so touchy answered, oh my god, I almost spilled my secret then, I shall not, I can’t I mean…it’s so embarrassing, my family would just laugh at me, oh I wish this crush was real, like me and that great person could have a real relationship…

“Oh no, my bus is going to be there soon, quick someone help me straighten my hair, I can’t go out looking like a werewolf!”

“Ha-ha…, you always looks like that anyway, like your hungry for someone, he-he..”

“Alicia shut up will you?”

My sister is so annoying, she will wind me up about anything and I always fall in her trap and carry out the biggest argument going, I wish people could understand what type of love I’m going through.

“Bye everyone, I’m getting the bus now, see you all later probably or I might stay behind in the library to study.”

As I made my way to the bus stop, the bus driver was just about letting everyone on, “Hey drive!, wait for me…!”

I yelled.

He waited this time, phew, “Thanks drive, here I have a bus pass.”

Driver: “Right then, Welcome aboard, find a seat love.”

I found a seat alright, I sat in the corner seat by the window, squashed in by students standing up and kids who will not keep still, jumping on all the seats where their parents were sat.

I once again shut myself out of reality and switched on my ipod, I browsed my play lists and found a cool song which suited the way I was feeling, the lyrics went a little something like this… “ Satellites contain us… Traffic lights control us, rockets shoot us up into the sky…letters keep us posted, numbers calculated, nothing picks us up when we are down…compliment the atmosphere…”

I skipped to the next song and it held a secret message for me… “I think I love you…so what am I so afraid of…I’m afraid I’m not sure of, of a love there is no cure for”…

Chapter Two ~

I started thinking about my secret love, someone who is out of my reach, I wish I could have them, it hurts when you want something that keeps moving away from you every time…like fate is saying “Let go…” but you can’t, because you’re in too deep, the only way you can accept not having them is probably by letting them know how you feel so you can hear them say what they really feel so you don’t keep pretending to yourself that they think about you 24/7, it’s an illusion I know…

I think about them all the time, if I don’t see them that day, I’m quite miserable, I feel sick but when I do see them I have butterflies in my belly like a kid who is going to school for the first time or that dizzy feeling you get on a roller coaster but also that excitement twirl that feels like you’re flying.

I arrived at college finally, walking down the freshly cut green grass and onto the grounds of the college, walking through the main entrance, thinks to myself, “First lesson, Drama, can’t wait, feeling rather nervous though.”

Down the corridor past the canteen, heart pumping fast, skipping a beat, mouth drying up, palms sweating and knees shaking.

Outside the Drama studio I remain, taking a deep breath before I walk into the room.

Suddenly the door swings open, everyone staring at me,
I smile, but I’m used to some people being ignorant towards me, they just don’t know me that well, I don’t give them a chance or the other way round, I’m not quite sure, maybe both…

I throw down my bag and coat, grab a chair and sit next to my mates who are mostly surprised to see that I’m in.

We gossip about the latest celeb news and who has a crush on the hottest lads in college, but I never dare tell my secret…

Teacher says: “Have you learned your lines, for the performance?”

“Yes, I have.” I nervously replied.
We put our chairs to one side and do a warm up, people snigger like usual as I try to get myself ready for the big rehearsal, but I some how forget the simple rules of the warm up because… someone is on my mind.

I smile and nervously do what I have to do, I feel so awkward and shy, like I do not fit here, I do not feel comfortable, like I shouldn’t be in this atmosphere, I prefer some adult scenery where everyone is laid back and not so judge mental all the time.

But I some how rise above all this, the class put me through and so I survive that warm up.

The warm up is finally achieved and we head into our groups to practice our scenes for this huge performance,
I can’t believe it, I’ve froze and my mind has gone blank, I knew my lines yesterday… now all I can think about is when?, is my crush going to walk in here and make me feel alive again.

“Mica!!, I thought you said you learnt your lines!”

The most scary teacher shouted, he was funny at times too,

Then I switched to reality, I said what I could remember, lots of the group were so hard on me, they hardly learnt theirs, they make me feel ill sometimes…

Chapter Three ~

Break came around, I couldn’t wait to grab something eat and drink, my mates reassured me that I will get there in the end, I felt a lot better but not as good as I would if I were in the same room as my crush.

We finished our food and headed for the library, I lost myself in a book about love, I had some feeling that my crush is around here somewhere and yes there they stood not far from me. I just gazed and smiled, but then they walked away and never looked back, well I guess it is not good to be liking this person, I mean they don’t feel the same way.

“Hey Mica, what you planning on doing tonight?”

I have no idea…

They both laughed.

All through the day I been thinking about this person, why won’t they get out of my head, I’m thankful for the brilliant creative imagination but hey it can be quite a pain to handle sometimes.

This person is so mysterious, but charming in their ways, they make me want them more and more, I can’t help that I have fallen for them.

I decided to get some fresh air outside, as I turned the corner I saw that mysterious one standing there having a cigarette, god… he is so stunning, so hot, so my taste, his sparkly blue eyes, tanned complexion, oh my god I’m weak at the knees, do I say hi?, no that’s so original, shall I just drop something, nah that is so high school, no I know I will just sit on the wall and pretend to check my phone for texts, hoping I pull his number he-he…

Wow hey, I think…, is he?… coming over to me?, no this is fake, this is beyond fake, this is an illusion, it’s in my mind, need to switch back to reality again…

“Hey..” a voice said.

“Urm… Hi.” I Replied so happily…

He smiled at me, “You know… You have Chocolate all over your chin, I thought you should know..”

Then he walked away…

“Oh, my god, what a dumb ass I am, oh great, now he thinks I don’t know how to eat food, Great!!”

Have to try harder, nah forget it, he’s so out of my league, I will find someone else, someone else to focus on, maybe someone who can just respect me, need someone who wants to share fun times with me, socialise and everything, nothing serious, just a fun relationship, but infatuation is my way of having some safe love because I can end one pretend relationship and move to the next without upsetting anyone, easy but sometimes reality could be better.

I follow my head than my heart most of the time, I wonder if that person who does music is single.

I’m curious about a lot of people who I find attractive everyday of college life…

I have a far bigger crush on someone other than that hot guy, they’re someone who I have not spoke of yet, but will do.

I feel for them deeper than any words can describe, we are quite close, around them I feel full of life, if we got together I’d be the romantic kind because I know they like romantic gestures, I can tell, I connect to things and people like a magnet.

I fantasise about sitting under the stars, dreaming with them, sharing a nice meal, a sensational sweet wine, go for a swim in the sea, breezy night, a bit of fascinating music to lift our mood, everything relaxing and always the right time to say everything…

Around them, the fascination of the infatuation mood grows, I have a kind of warm feeling inside my belly but when they move away I get the empty feeling there, it’s the most emotional feeling possible, the most craziest fizzling from my heart and when I go to smile, I can’t look at them because I’m so shy, I’m scared what the out come will be, will they despise me?, or not, I’m in a weird position because I don’t know what’s true, am I lying to myself, saying that this person is interested when they’re not really?, what’s true here, my conscience tell me that they have some feelings of a kind but are not sure, I think I might be wrong, it’s a possible mistake, you can never tell what’s true, when love is involved.

I guess…I’ll never know…

Chapter Four ~

As time passes without them in my life, I feel lonely, upset, frustrated with myself because I cannot find the confidence inside to pucker up and talk to them, I feel a force or two that keeps pulling me back, I want them so bad but fate has another story in store for me, I wish I can just create my own.

I build desires in my mind, live in my fantasies, they’re so creative, I prefer it that way as it is so perfect.

Reality could be better though as I’d have something to feel, something to connect with.

I could enjoy life with them for real, be there for their tears, be there for the laughter, enjoy the freedom with each other,

I will tell you one thing…

“falling for someone gives you energy and ambition, keeps you working, it gives you hope and strength.”

We’re never promised true love, but hope is there to support us, take us on a journey of new dreams, luck will come if you keep your hope alive.

It’s lonely being in a fantasy because it is a world of something so cold and empty, you know deep in your heart that it is not real, it will remain a mystery right through your life because that person is so far away from us emotionally, because emotionally our world is apart, we are so different, on a different level, they don’t really feel something for you, you do because they were kind to you, looked out for you when you were in trouble, you some how get attached, you attach yourself to someone who is not lost.

You forever search for the meaning of love, why you feel for them, but it can never be defined, as so many thoughts and mixed concerns and dreams fill our minds, we struggle to establish what we really feel, so ends in confusion and misunderstanding.

Life is a whirl of all kinds of spinning feelings and meanings, some know the answer, some are still trying to find the question in order to identify the answer..

As we get through life’s mission, we will find the answers to our own question, we will stand with power, self knowledge and meaning.

I will forever be searching for meaning of the love that I feel for another.

To be continued…