Let's face it. Some of us are born with chiseled features and a delectable physique and then some of us are simply, well, not. Chances are you're much like me, that is, somewhere in between; a few nice features, and a few unflattering flaws. I'm the type of woman that's not really described by anyone as being "beautiful". But in this modern society of rail-thin supermodels, sex-in-advertising, fashion divas and the like, I would be blatantly lying if I told you that this has had no affect on me in the least. At the risk of sounding shallow and unpopularly anti-feminist, many of us equate beauty to success.

Great. Well, since we're not all Greta Garbo, what do we do? Simple. Okay, not exactly simple, but there is hope for us not-quite-uglies. There are ways to be appealing that have nothing to do with "beautiful" - but which, if done correctly, pleases the senses as much, and often with longer lasting lingering affects, than surface beauty.

And I hate to tell you this, because it sounds so cheesy and overused, but most of it begins with loving yourself from the inside out. There's more to sexy than showing some cleavage and wearing mini skirts.

First, we want to be the right kind of sexy; we want to be elegant-sexy, charming-sexy, sophisticated-sexy, and intelligent-sexy.

Can I really pull this off with MY body?

Girls, let me tell you something -- I am not sitting behind this computer screen in my size 3 jeans and cute midriff top. I am a sturdy mountain girl; a not-quite-tall and not-nearly-petite 5'6" with generous "birthing" hips and waist that wouldn't cry if it lost a few inches. Rest assured, this is the voice of experience.

And please pay better attention - it really isn't ALL about your body!

Gorgeous is as gorgeous does. Simply put, most of us don't have the time, willpower, or desire to workout several hours per day, eat supremely healthily all the time, and receive our annual botox injections. So we're probably not going to have 11 percent body fat. Just deal with that, unless you're willing to do all of the above (plus or minus the botox).

What about the rest? Without further ado, Let's begin our journey into self love, and ultimate sexiness:

Let's start with hygeine. if you're clean and fresh, you're going to feel better about yourself all around. Be aware of yourself. I carry a small stick of deodorant in my purse. During work in the summer, my face has a tendency to become oily during the day under my makeup. I take a tissue and blot it and touch up with powder. Not everyone washes their hair every day, as it strips the hair of vital nutrients. But girls, when you start getting oily hair, it's time for a shower; oily hair looks dirty. Looking dirty equates to being dirty to many. Not a very professional look, if that's what you're going for.

Be informed. Intelligence is sexy. If you don't have a doctorate from Harvard, don't fret. Not all education comes from institutional learning. Read up on subjects that interest you - gardening, for example. If you are a music lover, read up on music history, find out the origins of your favorite genre. Do crossword puzzles, to improve your vocabulary. Read more books, watch less TV; you may find that once you come across a literary genre that appeals to you, you'll sit up late nights reading and start using the boob tube for a door jam. Keep up with current events. If you find yourself in a social professional situation with nothing to talk about, wow a crowd with your up to date knowledge of what's going on in the world around you; and do some research. Find out why the Middle East is always at war with itself.

Eye contact. When you're making conversation, practice eye contact. Good eye contact is assertive and conveys a sense of self-assurance and confidence. No one will put much faith in you if you're constantly looking at the ground. Looking everywhere but at your speaker conveys a sense of boredom, that maybe you have somewhere else to be. And you definitely don't want to look shifty, with your eyes furtively darting everywhere. They say the eyes are windows to the soul - let your confidence and energy spill into the world from them.

Dress to impress. Nothing is less sexy than frumpy sweatshirts and baggy tees. Go ahead, lounge in your sweats on your sick days, or your PMS days at home. But even at home, dressing nicely maybe even sexy, might just be the spark your love life needs. Even if you work from home, dressing yourself up a bit can be a motivating beginning to your day. No one says that you have to sacrifice a year's salary on the latest fashion trends. In fact, whatever your fashion taste might be, the most important thing to keep in mind is to dress to flatter your body type. For example, the women in my family tend to have a pear shape and lucky me, I inherited those genetics. So I often will wear long tunic-shirts to camouflage my hips. No baby doll shirts or dresses for me, as they just kind of roll off my hips and the whole look is akin to a tent with legs. Not cool. I found some helpful tips here: http://www.greatestlook.com/bodytype.html. But Google "fashion by body type" and you'll find a ton of help.

Did I mention confidence? Well, confidence, confidence, confidence! I can't say that enough! In fact, I should have made this number one, because it just that important. How many men have I met in my life that have told me the one trait that makes the most lasting impression is confidence. A woman that walks into a room as if she owns it will turn heads and generate buzz. The key is building self-esteem, and this will be the greatest challenge to being sexy for anyone that is lacking in confidence. It's a process that takes time to build upon, and it doesn't happen over night. Gaining confidence is all about changing the way you think. You have to stop worrying about what your mom thinks about your decisions in your life. You have to stop beating yourself up over the bad decisions you've already made; they're done, and now the only thing to do is start making better ones. You have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror and like the person you see. If you don't like you, figure out why. And then make a plan, with baby steps, on how to change what you don't like. Baby steps. And patience; these things don't happen over night. I thought this was a great site: http://mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=9864&cn=353 because it includes self-help tools on building self-esteem. Again, the Internet is full of great advice and plans. The bottom line is that if you know you're a person worth getting to know, people will want to get to know you.

Honesty in everything. Tact is important, but honesty is key. Be true to yourself first; don't change your opinions according to the company you're keeping. Keep your opinions, regardless, and you'll be respected for being steadfast. (Just don't insult those with differing opinions, either.) Don't fake laugh. Don't lie about your station in life to impress. Generate the feeling that you're secure with where you are in your life, or if you're not, then don't make excuses - change it. Being honest with people will earn you a great deal of respect, and in the end, its so much easier when you don't have to keep track of your lies.

Master the art of conversation. Okay, we've discussed what you should talk about, we've covered where your eyes should be directed when you're speaking, but we haven't talked about the actual conversation yet. So you've educated yourself on your topics of interest, and you've practiced eye contact with those nerve-wracking conversations with your boss. Now you find yourself sitting at a table with complete strangers at a seminar with 20 minutes to kill before it begins. Instead of pretending to text message someone on your cell phone or filing your nails, engage the table in conversation. Asking people questions about themselves is a great place to start; most people's favorite topic is themselves. Depending upon the situation (professional, social, older people, young people), you can use basic conversation starters such as "How did you end up here?", or "I noticed your accent, where are you from?", will draw people out. Try to avoid talking about yourself too much, or bragging. That's just plain annoying. No one wants to hear an hour's description of your son's little league football triumph. A great reference is Stephen Miller's Conversation: A History of a Declining Art. You can find this and other conversational references on www.Amazon.com.

This is just a beginner's look into the deeper meaning of being sexy. Sexy doesn't have to be a naughty word or idea (of course that's entirely up to your discretion!). It doesn't mean you have to dredge the dark and low annals of society and prowl dank and divey bars in leather and stilettos. Sexy has its place in every mature man and woman's daily lives. Don't be afraid of it, and don't try to nail it down to a particular "type" of person, a "type" of action, or a "type" of anything. It's a broad and complicated subject that I hope you will not be afraid to explore.

And don't worry about what your mother will think - send her a link to this story and a Victoria's Secret gift card in the mail; she'll thank you later.