Her Special Birthday Memories
posted August 4, 2009 - 5:22amIts her 50th birthday. The many coloured balloons flying high in her life seem to be bursting once again. In her sleep she cries "please spare me and the cake, there is no room for these birthday candles our lives . Dont wish me "happy birthday" as how can i be
happy with each passing of age and coming of age." Her life just seems to be vanishing into thin air. She fears that suddenly there will be a time of no birthdays and no happy returns for her..When she had crossed past her forties the same feeling had haunted her and now as she is approaching her fifties it has become worse. For her its like a bad dream. However hard she tries to escape these birthday nightmares or birthday blues, they just refuse to leave her side.These days they seem to be in a hurry to knock her door adding more miseries to her aching heart. She was not happy and birthdays made her all the more nostalgic towards life. She simply does not want to grow any older.The thought itself is scaring her to death.
There was a time when birthdays meant celebrating life and age and it brought in a lot of good cheer and happy moments. She remembers.
As a child she used to eagerly wait for birthdays. Parents, brothers and sisters, grandparents, uncles and auntys and friends made it special for her. The house looked bright and colourful with the decorations - flowers, streamers, lights, balloons. It was a time to gettogether under one roof and make merry. It was a kind of family reunion. All kinds of delicacies were cooked at home and among them her mothers carrot cake was her all time favourite.Gifts wrapped in colourful, golden and silver paper made her excited and happy. It was a time to show off her new pretty pink and white lacy frocks and feel like a pampered fairy princess. It was a time when she was the centre off attraction and she used to love it. The fact that she was growing another year older with each passing birthdays was amazing.
Her teenage birthdays were made special by her friends. They made sure that the parties were funfilled, adventurous and exciting. Birthdays these years meant taking one step after another to the path of freedom. She felt like a butterfly out of the cocoon ready to explore the world . As age was on her side she was given the liberty to take decisions. She could decide what to wear, whom to invite and where and how it should be celebrated. The home made carrot cake was still her favourite. Talking, eating and listening and dancing to music was her age group's favourite activities.Offcourse the gifts did matter but she learnt to appreciate birthday cards as she could understand the beautiful feelings expressed inside them. She was now into the years of make-up, girls/boys, movies, parties, and all sorts which usually cause worry to parents. They certainly kept a roving eye on all my party activities and made sure she does not cross the boundries sketched for her. For them it was difficult to accept that their child was growing up.
Birthdays after marriage was a different story altogether. She was now staying in USA with her husband. She did miss the presence of her parents, sisters, brothers and old friends especially on these happy occassions.They would never forget to wish her and send her cards or gifts. Since she was so far off it became all the more important to let her feel loved and remembered. Her husband made her feel special and romantic saying it with cards, red roses, diamond, sarees ....anything her heart desired. At times he threw in surprise parties and sometimes candlelight dinners or a drive to some exotic place. He not only made her feel wonderful and loved on these special days but made sure that her each birthday was better and lovelier than the other. She felt blessed to have him.
Celebrating birthdays with her children made her feel on top of the world. They would make cards drawing flowers, sun, butterflies and imaginary characters and fill them with bright colours and write " mama hap happy birthday to you", " mama we love you on this day and every day" or "mama wish everyday was your birthday". Her favourite gift from her children is the treasure box decorated with beads, stars and colour papers which they made for her to keep her little little things which she keeps misplacing everyday. On another birthday they along with their father once did try making their mother's favourite carrot cake noting down the recipe from their gradma. These little gestures touched her heart.
With time and age closing in to her, she started to dread birthdays. She always shied away from the mirror. It did not lie about her age however hard she tried to conceal it. She felt that she was greying not only from outside but also from the inside. The mirror spoke to her about her growing insecurities and aroused feelings of being inadequate. When somebody would asks "whats eating you these days? you dont look the same anymore" this would enrage her with bitterness. She felt like going into hibernation and lose herself. Everything was the same around her. Her husband was as loving as ever, her children were married and busy settling in their lives. Her elder daughter was very much pregnant and was due anytime of the month. But they made it a point to visit her on her birthdays. She would join the celebrations they planned for her but not with the same enthusiasm and spirit . She hated the changes in her but felt helpless.
Her husband and children wished her on her 50th birthday. They wrote her a huge banner like card in which they pasted the memorable photographs depicting her journey through life. They also made her the special carrot cake to make her feel nice and loved. The family invited their mother's friends and they planned a day of fun and games at their farmhouse.There was a video slide show where her children and friends recalled special moments spent with her in the past. Her husband and children did a mini skit as a reenactment of a funny scene from her life. All they wanted was her to take a deep breath and treat herself to a real life-size, full throttle, champagne popping celebration, to start her new life. Mid party her daughter suddenly had her labour pains and they had to rush her to the nearby clinic. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. It was a happy and joyous occassion for the family. As she held her little granddaughter a strange and wonderful feeling overwhelmed her senses. As she looked into those tiny sleepy eyes she felt happy and fresh. It was as if she rediscovered herself all over again. She thanked her daughter for such a wonderful gift. Her children and husband were happy see the glowing changes in the birthday girl's eyes.
Now like a child she eagerly waits for these birthdays to come as she shares her special days with her granddaughter.The family gettogether to wish her and her little princess a happy birthday. It becomes a day of double celebrations of life and age for her and for the family.On these special days of her life she makes her favourite home made carrot cake adding her secret ingrediants with love for her little granddaughter. The little one like a breath of fresh air had given her a new lease of life. Now she looks forward to growing old with grace and relive her childhood moments with her. And birthdays she fears no more, she welcomes them with open arms and heart.
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