At Home
posted December 26, 2008 - 12:44pmIt has been almost two years since the last time i was in the hospital, but still the struggle with my depression continues. We have continued to go through different medications and dosage's and still have not found anything that will bring me back to a normal level of functioning. I know that part of my depression has to do with lack of a social life, however it is hard to get out there and meet people when i am not in school and have no job. My time consists mainly of sitting at home, finding things to do to entertain myself. I find that if i am away from home for too long my anxiety levels begin to increase dramatically. However, i know that i need to work on that and overcome it, but i am also a pretty shy person and unless i am at school or work i don't approach people i know in person and begin talking to them.
I spend a lot of my time on the computer doing random things, but i do enjoy building websites and have built a website for my dad, he named his website A Shoebox of Memories I thoroughly enjoyed building the website and it definately kept me busy for a while. Looks as though i will be building a website for my mom soon as well and i look forward to that as it will take up some free time.
I find that the feelings of depression are still there in force. I feel down quite a bit, and definitely feel lonely most of the time. I have one friend who lives in the area which i visit with every now and then, but even being out with someone i find that i have to force myself to stay out and not come back home. It almost feels as though i am still crying on the inside and i can feel myself beating to get out, wanting to have a normal life back, wanting to be able to finish my schooling and return to work, return to a social life, and not sit at home so much. I know that things are starting to get closer to that point and it is a matter of patience and continuing to fight, but i can't stand this life style much longer.

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Wind farms - the energy of the future...
Wind Farms - The Energy of the Future
In order to avoid climate change the world needs to cut back on carbon emissions. One way to do this is to use renewable energy such as wind, wave, water and solar power. In the UK the Government plans to concentrate on wind power at the expense of other renewable energy sources – will this be most the efficient renewable energy source for our future planet?
The government has set a target of meeting 15 per cent of all the UK's energy demands from renewables by 2020, which means that between 35 to 45 per cent of electricity will be from green sources. Most of this is expected to be generated by wind farms. Critics feel that wind turbines are large and noisy and that they spoil the countryside ultimately the NIMBY (not-in-my-backyard) attitude persists.
Although wind farms are not appealing onshore, offshore wind farms are proving successful. They are sited at sea where they do not affect the aesthetic appeal of the landscape and being at sea they are in a highly exposed and windy location. BWEA (British Wind Energy Association), the UK's leading renewable energy trade association reports that every home in the UK could be powered by electricity from offshore wind by 2020.
Maria McCaffery, BWEA Chief Executive, said: "We will have a cumulative installed capacity of up to 9 gigawatts (GW) by 2015. Wind will overtake nuclear in terms of installed capacity within the next 4 to 5 years, as an important milestone in reaching 2020."
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Good morning Xomba...
I just posted this on the new site, "SideTick" and had to re-circulate it to Xomba:
Do you know I almost wrote, "Good morning Vietnam" here. Wonder why I wrote that? I remember the film well with Robin Williams acting the role of DJ on the forces radio in Vietnam. Good morning, Vietnam!
I had a brother and a brother -in-law in the conflict - the are both dead now. They were both still young when they died of heart failure - thats when your heart stops, you know? Funny that!
My bro was a military policeman and died of a massive heart attack at the age of 33 years. He died in camp at Burnham, just outside Christchurch, NZ. He had problems getting over what he experienced in Vietnam. He spent a lot of time in the city (Saigon) and out on patrol outside the city. Do you know the Vietcong never attacked his jeep because he was a Kiwi. Yes, thats true, they had a lot of respect for our troops and country. Thats not to say they wouldn' try to kill them in battle, though!
My bro in law came back to NZ after service as a rifleman. Some years later he developed nerve problems, had to have many operations, deterioated physically, wasted away and died. He was a big strapping young man when he went to Vietnam. Heard of Agent Orange? I have, but he didn't. But by Jesus I know what killed him!
Why do I write of Vietnam? I just thought about it, probably have Afghanistan on my mind, thinking just how dangerous this could be for our Kiwi troops, even if they are special forces, but we do have engineers and medics there too. I think of the wasted lives in Iraq! So many American boys, and girls too these days, who won't be walking back home!
Oh well, old morbid me. See you all later!
Peter
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