It's 9 PM.  Your school-aged child sits at the kitchen table, bleary-eyed and miserable, an math assignment in front of him.  You've been working on this for most of the might.  Dinner is cold and uneaten.  You still have to squeeze in a shower and get him to bed.  For the past hour or so your house has been filled with the sounds of whining, crying, arguing, and pleading.  And not all from your child!

You are suffering from homework overload.  What can you do?

• CALL THE TEACHER

You may be hesitant to do this.  Many parents are concerned that they will seem like complainers.  Or that they will be seen as having low expectations for their children.  But it is not unreasonable for you to express your concerns, and you are not complaining.  You are asking.  Asking for help.

Try to simply be straight forward and polite. Explain what is happening in your house and ask for some guidance.

• BE PREPARED TO LISTEN AND BE HONEST

There are times when homework overload is caused by actual learning difficulties the student is experiencing.  It is also possible that the teacher is in fact assigning more that the recommended amount of homework (a common rule of thumb in 10 minutes of homework per grade level after Kindergarten).

But there are other times when there may be other explanations, and sometimes they may be hard to hear.  No one enjoys getting unflattering news about their child.  But remember that the goal is to help him, no matter what the cause.

• ASK IF HE IS USING HIS TIME WISELY AT SCHOOL

Most teachers do allow time after the lesson for students to work on their assignments, and many students get them done without ever taking them home.  But, as you might expect, not all students really take full advantage of this opportunity.  Some kids like to chat, or sharpen pencils, or take a trip to the bathroom.  It doesn't make them "bad" kids, they just haven't developed good study skills yet. It's common in elementary school - they're still kids, after all. If that's the case with your child, you need to know now so that you can get a handle on it before middle school comes along and leaves him barely treading water.  Homework overload is something that is best addressed early and continuously.

• BE HONEST WITH THE TEACHER

If you're prepared to tell the teacher that homework overload creates two or three hours per night of homework, take a moment first to assess the situation.  How much of that time is time "on task" as it is known: time the child is actually focused and making good effort?  Conversely, how much of that time is about avoidance behavior.  You know.  Whining.  Carrying on. Delay tactics.  We've all been there!  And if that is the case, it still doesn't mean there's not a problem.  There is still a problem, and a good teacher will be able to offer you some suggestions on how to deal with them.  But, like most parenting, no one said it would be easy!

• ASK WHAT THE TEACHER IS SEEING IN CLASS

Discuss how your child seems to be developmentally.  Does he seem to keep up with his peers?  Does it take him longer to complete work or catch on to new concepts?  Could this homework overload be the result of a learning disability or other related problem? Get the teacher's professional opinion on his abilities.  Remember that most teachers joined the profession because they love kids.  If your child is having a genuinely hard time, the teacher will want to help.

• ASK FOR AN EVALUATION

If the teacher indicates that there may be some of type learning difficulty, ask to have the child evaluated.  In New York State, it is the obligation of the school system to provide you, the parent, with a full evaluation at no cost to you.  It is also their obligation to provide this within a reasonably prompt period of time (30 days, for example).  Check national and state legislation (link below) for details.

• WORK IN PARTNERSHIP WITH THE TEACHER

Alleviate homework overload by working in partnership with the teacher throughout the year.  Communicate often.  Hold your child accountable for that which he is capable.  Try to establish a good relationship with your child's school by being open, honest and a support for your child.
 

• CONSIDER A TUTOR

Sometimes the issue is simply that your child needs a little bit of extra support.  And sometimes a parent is the perfect person to do that.  But sometimes they're not.  Kids will act out with their parents in ways they wouldn't drem of doing with anyone else.  Your kids know just what buttons to push.  So sometimes it's helpful to hire a tutor.  Call the school office for suggestions, or look online or at a local college or university.

• TALK TO THE PRINCIPAL

If, after all the above, you still believe that there is simply too much homework, contact your principal.  Come prepared with facts, rather than emotions.  Lay out your case with as much evidence as you can.  Be open to make and receive suggestions.

Safe to say few children actually enjoy homework.  But it shouldn't be a nightly marathon of tears, either.  So if you've got homework overload in your household be proactive and work toward a solution.  Left too long, a child in this situation will eventually shut down and avoid school altogether.  It's a slippery slope.