By Mursidi Murah

In South East Asia in the olden days, before the advent of modern pest control methods, they had unique and interesting ways to keep pests in check. As the people then relied heavily on their harvests, pests are regarded as generally evil and people then devised wicked ways to deal with captured pests.

But first, how to catch a monkey.

First get a young coconut. Make a hole in the coconut and empty it of its juice. Make a hole just big enough to fit a monkey's hand in; about one and a half inch to two inches in diameter.

Put a few pieces of fruit in the coconut. People nowadays usually use nuts instead of fruits, though, peanuts in particular.

Leave the coconut where the monkey can see it and wait...

The monkey would come down and investigate the contents of the coconut. When it reaches in, it would grab the contents. If the hole is the correct size, the monkey's hand would go in but would not come out with its fistful of food.

The monkey would then be at your mercy. It has never failed as monkeys would never think to let go of the fistful of food to escape. It would be weighted to the ground, the coconut acting as a ball and chain, and it would be unable to climb the nearest tree to escape.

Back to the history lesson, farmers in the olden days would then either beat the hapless monkey to death or capture it for further amusement. If the monkeys were captured, a common way to dispose of it would be by jamming a length of thorned stick up the poor monkey's behind. It would then be released back to the wild to die a slow and painful death...