With few exceptions [1] anyone, woman or man, can add flair and good old oomph to their dance routines or established dancing styles with the introduction of nipple tassels.

Nipple Tassels, these delightful apparels, are currently enjoying a come-back due to the revival of Burlesque Dancing and the widespread availability of double-sided sticky-tape. The tassels are adding sparkle wherever they are employed and even boring events are being transformed. Tedious and would-be forgotten events become more memorable for no other reason than the attendance of one nipple tassel wearer! If that “jarjarhoe” (a nipple tassel wearer) can “jarumba” (as dancing with nipple tassels is correctly termed) and harness the “passa-jarumba” also known as centrifugal force – a relatively inexpensive event is enjoyed as much as any champagne reception held in the London Eye.

If you are hip and trendy, the jarumba is already a cliché at the Stag and Hen Parties you attend. Indeed, a recent survey of UK Hen Parties in Croydon, Surrey [2] revealed that a man with moobs (male boobs) dancing the jarumba was already a more popular choice than the traditional full Monty as supplied by the truncheon wielding, male stripping police officer. A similar survey of UK Stag Parties in Birmingham [3] revealed a significant increase in the hiring of jarumba dancers and a corresponding decrease in bookings of the city’s many “show us your titties for a tenner” bars [4]. What is more, upmarket and cutting edge corporate events are going down as damp squibs without a her and him jarumba troupe in attendance.

Where to Buy Your Nipple Tassels and Can You Make Your Own?

For those of us still awash with funds, during this time of credit crunch, New York’s and London’s top people’s department stores offer a full range. We were blown away with Harrods’s rich array. But what if you cannot afford the £1.5 million for a pair of tassels from the diamond encrusted Damien Hirst limited edition collection? What if you can’t even afford the £150 - £499 for a pair from the Vivienne Westwood designer range? The simple answer is making your own. This article – the best article written on the subject ever – will tell you everything you need to know: How to Make Your Own Nipple Tassels

How to Dance with Nipple Tassels – Jarumba-passa-Jarumba

Perfecting the technique is easier than you may imagine. To begin with get into the same position in which one would commence a Twist. Now, instead of wiggling your hips, turn that wiggle into a gyration but move your chest and keep you hips still. Remember, if you are dancing without bosoms – for instance, if you are male or a flat-chested woman, once you’ve added your tassels you will achieve a similar effect. The trick is to harness the passa-jarumba (centrifugal force). For those serious about perfecting their technique, belly dancing lessons perhaps unexpectedly, give tips on how to dance with tits (aka tit-tips).

See Notes 1, 2, 3 and 4 below More Articles by AndAnotherThing2

1 Wobble Your Fat Away
2 How to Make Your Own Nipple Tassels
3 How to Make Your Own Codpiece
4 How to Embarrass Your Children
5 How to Make the Biggest Bubble in the World

NOTES

1. People who should not dance the jarumba are women with huge breast implants (DD and above) - for example Katie Price should steer clear. Women with implants of any size who had had their operation within the last 3 months. Always seek medical advice before learning to dance with nipple tassels.

2. Wilma Proops conducted this survey of Hen Parties in Croydon in March 2009. We thank her for allowing us to use her findings ahead of publication.

3. Wilma Proops has been conducting this survey since March 1999. We thank her for allowing us to use interim findings.

4. Millie Diamond quoted in the play My Mother and Other Strange Creatures by Claire Bennett, BBC Radio4